Ask Sus…

How’s the cat?

Thank you for asking.  He’s sacked out on the bed what with being slugged and prodded periodically over the last couple of days.  He’s either got an upper respiratory infection or a brain tumor.  What’s with the wide disparity?  I have no idea.  But we’re tackling him twice a day and forcing drugs down his throat.  You do know how to give a cat a pill, don’t you?  I prefer the “pay an extra $10 and get the liquid” version.

What’s with the electric razor?

When I was in the hospital upside down, waiting for the children to be born, I could not shave my legs.  And it bugged the living daylights out of me to have the scritch scritch of legs against the sheets.  Trust me, spend SEVEN weeks upside down in a hospital bed and you’ll find lots of things to obsess about.  Craig didn’t relish the thought of shaving my legs for me with a real razor (and the whole getting-the-sheets-wet was a pain), so he bought me an electric one.

This razor has languished in the back of my vanity cabinet for 10 years now.  The other day I ran out all the hot water forgot to shave and I grabbed the razor right after stepping out of the shower.  It was deader than a doornail, and of course, the power cord had long since been separated from it.  And sometimes I pretend I’m McGyver.  I noticed that my husband had a power cord to HIS razor.  With the exact same plugger.  So I plugged it in.  And was immediately encased in a blinding arc of light while a current of electricity ran through my body and out my toes.  When my eyes could focus again, the razor lay four feet across the floor, and there was black powdery residue across the length of the countertop.

And the only thing I could think of?  “Thank you, God, that I didn’t die, because then my neighbors would have found me naked with hairy legs.”

How do I increase blog traffic?

It helps if you write about topless Europeans and pictures. Apparently there are some people who enter “topless” and “pics” into the blog search engines.  Let me tell you, it’ll spike your traffic in no time.  I’m thinking today will be a pretty good day with that question alone.

That’s it for now.  We’ll see you next month (or next week, if I can’t come up with anything catchy) for another installment of “Ask Sus”.

8 responses to “Ask Sus…

  1. SO funny. I’m still giggling about your relief on not dying in a naked, hairy-leg electrocution.

  2. You are hilarious!!! Your concern with someone finding you naked…
    Isn’t it funny what crosses our minds , for me … “please don’t let me get in a wreck and have to go to the hospital… I’ve got my granny underwear on today.”

  3. or worse…”please don’t let me get in a wreck…I’ve got my hoochy mama undies on”

  4. Okay…you are seriously funny! I laughed at your post, but laughed harder at the comments above. 🙂

  5. Mercy! And I thought my bed rest was bad…

    And the rest? Frightfully shocking!

  6. Hey Susan,

    I’m Mer’s anti-mayo friend.

    I am so glad she linked to you! I’m still kind of chuckling while I write.

    Happy Friday!

  7. Hey! I’m visiting from Mer’s blog. You are hilarious! I must add you to my Google Reader.

  8. I popped over from Mer’s place….so glad she linkyloved you. Still laughing.

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