kfb OR How not to swear while knitting…

I have good leftovers today.  That has absolutely nothing to do with anything else you will read.

So I’m a knitter, you know.  Ha ha – ‘fess up, sister! Let me rephrase.  I learned how to knit a scarf about six months ago.  And I’m oh-so-proud of myself and have spent the intervening six months making 8 bajillion scarves that look the same except the colors have been changed to protect the innocent.  I’m officially tired of making them now and have moved on to this instead.

Enter long-suffering Job, um, Amy.  She’s in the Sunday School class that we recently joined, and she overheard my lament about not knowing how to do anything other than knit a square.  She graciously offered to take some time this morning to meet with me and help me learn how to knit in the round.  So off I went to one of my favorite places to get my supplies.  And forgot my coupon.  Arrgh!!



From there I went to the mall and met Amy. Isn’t she a doll?  All blonde and pretty haired and knitty? And I’m having a bad hair day and my face looks VERY round, but I’m going to blame it on having to hold the camera six inches from my face to take the picture.  And ignore my wrinkles. And the extra twenty pounds.


It didn’t take me long to realize that knitting in the round was going to be the least of my worries.  Three little letters threatened to undo my Christian witness today: KFB, or “knit front to back” for all you non-knitters.  By the time I spent way too much time trying to get it right, KFB stood for Knit this, you FlippinBunch of  Weasels. No lie, it took me ONE HOUR to get to this.


“Susan” you might say, “Didn’t you buy green yarn for your soctopus?  And circular needles?  Isn’t that blue yarn on a double-point needle in the picture?” My, how astute you are, dear reader.  Yes, I did buy green yarn, but apparently I don’t know how to read directions about such things as gauge and yarn content and I bought “splitty yarn”, and I didn’t know that I couldn’t knit this puppy/octopus on circulars, so Amy let me use hers.  Live and learn. And keep the receipt.


Again, wrinkles.  Did I mention I’m turning 40 in 10 months?  Hopefully I can also find a good hairdresser before thenLet’s pretend I’m letting my bangs grow out.

So, there you have my morning.  Hanging out at the mall with Amy, drinking Caribou chai latte that wasn’t as good as Starbucks’, and trying not to swear.


11 responses to “kfb OR How not to swear while knitting…

  1. I love reading your blog…you are soooo funny!!!

  2. I’ve been wanting to learn how to knit! Maybe I’ll wait… 🙂

  3. This is hilarious! Who knew that our outing had such comedic potential? I love how you tagged the entry “kfb!”

  4. I wish I could knit…but I have enough wrinkles.

    I’m a chai snob. I only like the ones from Starbucks…and our local tea house. No other chain/independent coffee place can make them taste right to me.

    Is it warm enough there to sit outside and knit? I wish it was warm enough here!

  5. Oh, and that baked oatmeal was DELICIOUS!

  6. This is why I crochet…one needle…1/3 the wrinkles! And..don’t you just love ‘teacher’ friends! Looks like y’all had a great time..even with the ugly words! 😉

  7. Your blog is hysterical! And you are SO brave to take on knitting…my great aunt “taught” me and my sister to knit when we were little. Or…she taught us how to start to knit–let’s just say that, somewhere in my parents’ home, there’s a red metallic knitting needle with a long bit of “something” knitted on it…oh, well!

    I determined to learn to crochet (more than just a long chain) last year. And between books from the library and YouTube video clips, I actually did it! You might check out YouTube if you get stuck on something.

  8. Okay…I need the baked oatmeal recipe, too. And we’re practically twins, since I’m turning 40 in about 10 days. And I’m a novice knitter. And I swear, too. Shhh…

    And I think you’re cute!

  9. Pingback: GladiTuesday: Snow Edition « Carpoolqueen’s Blog

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