Stuck on You/At the Grocery


Did you know they made toothbrushes with suction cups at the base?  Now the kids can secure their toothbrushes even CLOSER to the toilet where they can capture  who-knows-what-germs that escape in the potty mist when they flush.

Wait a minute.

My kids never flush.

Never mind.


Did you notice my flip flops (and the seriously freaky long toes) in the picture?  These are my “wear all summer”  flip flops that I adore, and with the temperature in the nineties for three days straight now, it was time to break them out and start wearing them again.  It takes a while to adjust to them after having worn generally more supportive shoes over the winter (and now all you can think about it my Russian weightlifter legs in brown sturdy shoes….you’re welcome…really….for that little visual).

I hauled them out for the first time on Monday and took the boys with me to the grocery store where we bought all the cereal (and I’m still trying to scrape them from the ceiling tiles with the sugar high they have going on, but for the last 48 hours, I have seriously rocked the casbah for letting them buy it).

I had been wearing the flops for about six hours by the time we hit Kroger, and my toes were getting a little twitchy, but it’s always a little bit of a reentry when wearing them and I didn’t think anything of it.  We secured our whole grain high fructose corn syrup goodness, a new toothbrush for Strep Boy, and $75 worth of stuff that has gotten me no closer to knowing what’s for dinner.

I was at checkout trying to keep Travis from stealing the Skittles in the impulse aisle, trying to keep Tommy from grabbing the Doritos out of the checker’s hands, trying to keep JJ from opening a passbook savings account with his 37 cents at the in-store bank, trying to get change into my purse, nodding yes to the OTHER checker who wanted to give the boys stickers, and answer the customer’s question behind me as to whether I thought the sunflowers I bought for $2.99 on clearance would last a couple of weeks or more (was he going to buy them for his wife?  I would hope he’d first remove the orange “LAST DAY” sticker) when what should happen, dear Reader, at the most innopportune time?




Both feet.

At the same time.

It was all I could do not to go down in the middle of the store.

And I’m pretty sure the health code inspector would have frowned upon me kicking off my shoes and bouncing up and down in an attempt to stretch my toes out.

I’m pretty sure I didn’t care.

I’m pretty sure the manager hopes it’ll be a while before I return.

That’s okay.

There are other grocery stores in town from which we haven’t been banned.


Have a nice day.


38 responses to “Stuck on You/At the Grocery

  1. Listen, who care what you look like with toe cramps when your toe nails are so beautifully painted.

    I appreciate that you didn’t break-out with the flip flops without first handling the issues of the toenails. I am not generally a snob, but i do think that flip flops must be worn with summer feet….not winter, half painted, haven’t-seen-a–pair-of-clippers since August kind of toes.

    Ok, who knew I had such opinions!

  2. Flip flops…glorious flip flops. Thanks for the reminder to paint my toes.

    We just started keeping our toothbrushes soaked in hydrogen peroxide. Not sure if it’s good to do. I think it kills the germs?

  3. The checkout scene you described? That’s us (without the toe cramps). Except lately mine have taken to asking the checker to put their special items in their own bag. Yes, we live in one of the greenest, environmentally friendly places in the world, and my kids are asking for MORE plastic. Oh, the looks. As if we asked for bullets so we can shoot the earth right in the heart.

    Oh, and I’d feel bad if I actually won the 1000th comment prize. Since I’m practically family and all. Tell you what, if this is the 1000th comment, why don’t you just give it to whomever writes the comment that comes immediately after this one, okay?

  4. Hi.

    See what I did there?

  5. Whimzie, take it back.

    Oh, you can’t take it back now…because it’s out there.

    Funny I’d start a comment on CPQs blog by talking to Whimzie, but…

    First: long-toed sisters unite!
    Second: I was so breathless after paragraph four that I have to tell you–I’m glad it was just toe cramps for I thought surely the world might be ending quicker than it is.
    Third: You need to go to open mic night and do stand up comedy.

    There is no fourth.

    I issue flush reminders in this household, as well.

  6. I want to be friends with Whimzie and Gretchen. You have cool friends!
    Thank you for making me laugh. I can relate to the grocery checkout scene but not the toe cramps. That has never happened to me. Weird.

  7. I’m just impressed that you have held out this long on the flip flops! I think I started wearing mine as soon as we were in the mid 60’s!

    Sorry about the toe cramps! 🙂

  8. I think you should get triple points for this post. One, because you made me snort (it doesn’t become me so it doesn’t happen often), and two, you worked the phrase “rock the casbah” into this post. YOU ROCK, indeed.

  9. you had me at…

    “Wait a minute.

    My kids never flush.

    Never mind.”

    Thank you for making me feel like my children are normal and not the bastions of nastiness we accuse them of being.

  10. Just checkin’.

    I’ll be back.

    Again and again.

    Because I’m on a quest.

    TO WIN.

  11. Okay, so I’m not the only one who has issues with the suction cup toothbrushes. Just yesterday I went in the use the restroom and my daughter’s toothbrush was stuck to the toilet seat! Yes – the seat!!!! Gross!

  12. I’m thinking the time change might work to my advantage in this little contest. Maybe. It rarely does. But just maybe.

  13. oh and I actually Har Har Hared out loud (because I refuse to say LOL.) when I reached major. toe. cramps. part.

    And my fellow seriously freaky long toed friend…I just knew we were kindred spirits (because matching toes MEAN kindredness).

    AND I have to agree with Mer. The fact that you just used “rock the casbah” just moved you up on my coolness list (because I keep one and all).

    Have a nice, no more toe cramp kind of, day.

  14. #1000 you say!!!!!

    I’ll have my acceptance speech ready soon!

  15. Good for you for replacing “Strep Boy’s” toothbrush! (I’ve often wondered if the reason I relapsed with strep so much as a child–to the point of needing a penicillin SHOT–is because the medical community hadn’t come up with the brilliant parental advice of replacing the old toothbrush.)

    And…my kids have suction cup toothbrushes too. Thankfully, I’ve never found them (toothbrushes–not kids) anywhere near the toilet. I have a healthy respect and fear of germs and am sure I’d have nightmares!

    And finally, I must admit how impressed I am that you took all three boys to the store and were able to make it out for less than $100 AND with your sense of humor intact. I think you might just be my hero! 🙂

  16. Does anyone know if they make automatic flush toilets (like they have in public venues) for the home? Because I might be willing to fork over some cash for that. Can build a Lego model of 864 pieces in an hour, but just can’t seem to figure out how to push that little handle on the side of the toilet to the down position. Why is that?

  17. Not sure I have a comment.

    At least they are not flushing in the middle of the night.

  18. No one flushes in my house either, even the girls.

  19. Actually the one STILL in diapers flushes, but really, what is she flushing?

  20. And actually, I flush, just not in the middle of the night. So as to not wake the non-flushers.

  21. Uh oh. This shameless attempt at winning has rubbed off on me.

  22. So I guess I did have a comment after all.

  23. No way, reallllly??????

  24. Sigh. maybe you should have a 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th (cause that would be me) place winner too. Just sayin’.

    Shameful Sally, just shameful. I would NEVER stoop to leaving multiple comments in an attempt to win. never.

    (you shouldn’t feel guilty, cause I definitely would not have:))

  25. Very, very determined.

  26. Very, very, very determined, and also very late to get my son from school.

  27. hahaha 🙂 thanks for the giggle today!

    oh and I LOVE flip-flop weather but the first few times I wear them, I get blisters between my toes. nice right?

  28. I’m a bit growly that I didn’t win. But, I’ll get over it….I guess. Although it isn’t my fault that blogs are blocked where I work, so I had to wait until this afternoon to check in. Because, by golly, if I’d been home….you.would.have.seen. I should complain.

    Toe cramps?! Thank Jesus I’m not the only one with whacked out appendages. Me, too!! It happens to me, too!!!

    Toilets flush? Really? I had no idea.

  29. This is so funny!!! I literally feel your pain. My toes are the size of fingers and I get these awful foot/toe cramps too that I have to almost jump up and down . . . like I’m doing jumping jacks to get rid of them. . . terribly, terribly embarrasing. I’m so sorry for you. I do hope the man removed the orange sticker. Of course, I’d be so happy to get flowers I wouldn’t care if they were the clearance ones or not!!!

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