Those of you with whom I chat regularly may have noticed that I wasn’t around much this week – not on Facebook, not on Twitter, not IMing, emailing or calling. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel sociable or didn’t have an interest in what was going on with you.
It’s just that I was thinking.
Truth is, I’ve been thinking a lot since Sunday about life in general and my life in particular. The last few weeks have been intense for me – lots of moving pieces, uncertainty about new job responsibilities, weirdness in relationships, stress over decisions about the house, etc. And when I read John’s post, it helped clarify the incoherent thoughts that had been rattling around my brain for some time now, and I was finally able to begin making sense of what was troubling me.
I feel like life has been making decisions for me instead of me stepping up to act upon my life to take it in a direction of my choosing.
Before anyone gets nervous about the missionary kid talking about taking her life in the direction of her choosing, I’m not talking about taking control away from the One who directs my path. I firmly believe that He orders and ordains my life. But I also believe that I am not a robot and that He gave me brains and courage and moxie so that I could live this life abundantly and fully engaged in what it has to offer.
I have felt carried along by my life for the past couple of weeks. I’ve felt like I’ve been at the whim of outside forces exerting pressure, a slave to others on my calendar, defenseless against events and situations that have conspired to worm their way into my happy place.
This has not made my happy place very happy.
And you know what? I’ve realized that I’ve just let it happen without doing anything to stop it.
What kind of wimp am I?
Not the strong woman I want to be.
What kind of life is that?
Not the life of my choice.
So yesterday, I took charge.
I chose the life I wanted.
I chose not to live another day with pain in my shoulders, so I got a massage.
I chose to feed my spirit with something that brings me joy, so I went to the library and checked out smarty-pants AND fluffy books.
I chose to take delight in decadence, so I ate ice cream at 1:00. Out of the carton. For lunch.
I chose to soak up the sun, so I sat on the back deck and read my fluffy books and pinked up my nose and shoulders.
I chose to spend fun time with the child that takes so much of my daily time, and in so doing, learned a a powerful lesson in perserverance and courage that moved me to tears (more on that tomorrow).
I chose to stop the madness and do something to make it better, and you know what?
It was bliss.
I had so much fun that I halfway pondered making these choices every day, but then I remembered that I also choose to get paid for work and live in a house with clean toilets and folded laundry.
So today I’ll make other choices that may not be as indulgent, but are equally as important in shaping this life that I’ve been given.
Because I choose to make it a good one.
Have a nice day.