Oh, grow up already

I have a warning.

Today’s post is not for a male audience.

If you are in fact a) male, b) a male related to me, or c) an ex-boyfriend, please just hit the back button on your browser, because this will in no way, shape or form hold any interest for you.

If you are indeed a male and choose to continue, don’t come crying to me and sue for psychological damage for you are about to enter the very warped and twisted mind of the Carpool Queen.

(And by the way and totally unrelated, you should have seen the traffic spike from Muslim countries on my post yesterday about getting your girly on.  I kid you not – Egypt, Pakistan, Indonesia..there are some lonely boys over there…I hope that open bottle of Clorox did it for them.)

I will now get to the point.

I have a confession to make .

I cannot enter a store, buy a box of tampons, and walk out.

Hello, my name is Susan, and I am clearly not an adult.





Am I the only one that must put seventeen thousand other items into the basket that I do not need just to avoid walking through the store with a box in my hand?  Because of course I’ll run into a male friend of mine while I’m at the store.  Never fails.  And can’t you see the flashing neon signs and arrows pointing to the lonely pink box, slowly making its way up the scanner belt towards the checkout clerk?  And then to have to stand there and make chitchat over the weather?  Nope.  There’s just no way for me to feel unmortified.

So what did I add to my basket today? Judging by your comments yesterday, something of which you’ll all approve.

New flip-flops.


Because I can distract anyone with a good conversation about shoes.

So I guess it’s official.

I may be able to get my girly on, but when it comes to shopping for personal products, I clearly have not found my big girl britches.

Have a nice day.


30 responses to “Oh, grow up already

  1. Have no problem buying a box of tampons without other stuff. one time I even bought a box of tampons and a big old box of Brownie mix. The only check out open had a young guy clerk. I walked up to the check-out and gave him a look that said, “Say something. Come on, I DARE you to say something.” He didn’t say one stinking word.

    Now, back in the days before The Mister was fixed I bought our contraception of choice at the Costco. In bulk. I big old blue box of them. THEN I couldn’t buy those without $423 dollars worth of other bulk size items…because then people might know that I have you-know-what…all protected and such.

    I know. TMI.

  2. Ha!!!!

    I’m with Kellie! More TMI for you. Because every form of the pill makes me sick, I have also had to get used to perusing the “family planning” isle at the Wal-Mart. When you need em, you need em, and so I try and not to look too suspicious when I check out with or without other distracting items.

    Funny post.

    And it’s totally hilarious and kind of weird about your traffic yesterday.

    My, my…

  3. Haha. I can relate!

  4. Ha! Ha! Ha!

    I also don’t like to just buy toilet paper.

    Kinda freaky about your hits yesterday!

  5. I don’t even know what to say so I’m just going to laugh. hahahahaha

    Cute flip flops, by the way.

  6. I’m with Meredith on this one – all I can do is laugh! Very funny!

  7. I cannot do it either!! That little box of tampons or *gasp* pads (for some reason pads are more embarrassing)….they end up costing 10x times their price because of all the other stuff I have to buy to camoflauge theri purchase.

    Thank you for this confession, makes me feel better…..and in good company.

  8. You’re teasing those poor guys by including the girly line twice today!!

    The real question is, can your husband go in a store and just buy a box of tampons?

    I have a really narrow foot, so I usually don’t buy tampons at my shoe store. 🙂

    • No – but he’s also the same man who can’t go into the grocery store for just bread and milk either.

      And I say that in the most loving and supportive way possible.

  9. LOVE IT!!!! TOOOOOOO funny!!!!! 🙂

  10. Wonder twins, activate: Form of–A Tampon!

    Even with a full cart, I can’t go into the male checker’s line.

    Getting pregnancy tests was like that for me,too.

  11. sigh. I’m just gonna say it…it’s the *family planning*(I’m supposed to say that instead of the other word, right?) for me.

    I mean, seriously, I’m MARRIED for goodness sakes. I think it’s legal to buy those. Just doin’ my part to keep the average at 2.5 kids…or whatever. But do you think all that would keep me from feeling like a almost teenage girl shopping for bras with her mom? No.

    What’s almost worse for me in the tampon area (did I just say tampon area?!) is when we’re at friends house and you get up to use the bathroom and take your purse with you. Like they don’t know WHY you had to take your purse, right?

    On that note, I’ll end with…
    cute THONGS! (sorry, I couldn’t resist. Maybe you’ll get some more hits because of that…;))

  12. Yep, I hide them, too. And I REFUSE to go to a check out counter with a male checker when I have said items in my basket. Just can’t do it! Same reason why I only go to a female OBGYN. I’m just shy that way!

  13. These comments were ALMOST as great and funny as the post itself. ALMOST.

    I don’t care about buying them b/c usually I don’t go “ahead of time” and it’s so last minute that I’m so grumpy and irritable I just walk in and walk out with them. Now, I don’t proudly show them off in the baby seat portion of the buggy or anything but I just throw them in the back with the Ivory Soap and Cheeto Puffs and move along…

    Thinking on it, I don’t know that there IS EVEN a male cashier at our WM but I’d be like Kellie and dare him to say something to me.

    I can’t believe my superspy-coup d’etat-ing friend has a hang up about buying tampons but I guess we all have our issues!! 🙂

  14. Yep..I’m the same way..I’ll buy all kinds of random things to have more in my cart than just tampons or condoms (before the hubbie was fixed) or pregnancy tests (again before the hubbie was fixed) or any such matter..

  15. You did it again…you made me giggle.

  16. I always make sure that I’m buying the biggest cartload of groceries possible before picking these up. Same for any kind of wax product, since I attempt -ATTEMPT – to do any required waxing at home (it’s not pretty). And I’m with Gretchen – if there is a short checkout line with a boy running it, and one that is a 20 minute wait with a girl running it, I’m going with the girl.

    The hits from the Muslim countries – oh my word!

  17. YOU ARE SO FUNNY!!!! Thank you for making me laugh!

  18. You’ll never see my product of choice because, not only do I buy half the store (usually BJs), but I then hide them under the other stuff in the cart. Two reasons, I need to grow up and I don’t want my son to ask those questions in the middle of the store with his preteen sister standing there. (and you are not truly mortified unless you are PRETEEN mortified!)

    I remember one time having to buy a pregnancy test…I had all four kids in tow, it’s the only thing I bought, threw it on the conveyor belt, watched the cashier count my children, then roll her eyes. I paid for it and bluntly told her that I wasn’t all that thrilled with the purchase either. (it was negative, which was a good thing because the baby was only 4 months old at the time).

    Muslim countries, huh? kinda creepy.

  19. okay, I don’t mind (and neither does my husband) getting that stuff… but I’m with the family planning gals. before we were all set in that dept, I could not do it. I’d be the Duggars too.

  20. I had to laugh as I remembered those days (yes, it does EVENTUALLY end!) I seemed to always end up with a teen guy at the check-out. I also remember when I was young that often my dad would stop at the drug store & only my mom was allowed to go in. When I’d ask what she was getting/got they’d always say, “Napkins”. I couldn’t understand why she bought so many napkins since being the table setter I knew we sure didn’t use that many!

  21. True story: Once when I was a little girl, we were at Kmart and I loudly wondered, “Feminine napkins? What’s so feminine about them?”

    I bought “supplies” at Costco last time. At first I thought it was a good idea because I thought it would keep me from having to buy them again for a long time. However, have you seen the size of the pink box at Costco? You could live in it. But I’ll never have to buy tampons again because this box should definitely last until menopause.

    May this be the first and last comment that I ever mention menopause.

  22. What’s so feminine about them? Rip snort.

  23. I’m the same way with the tampons. No telling how many times I have sent my poor husband into the store to buy that lone box of tampons and /or pads for me!

    Rest easy…you are not alone!

  24. It is especially fun when you have children with you who choose that moment to ask you what that is for. And who do it again the next time because you never did tell them “later” like you said you would.

  25. Oh, girl. I now refuse to buy them at WalMart because it is a proven fact that I will run into e.v.e.r.y. male that I have ever met while they are in the cart. I now stop at the ghetto drug store and purchase the goods. Because I’m grown-up, too.

  26. I’ve always wondered if other girls did that too! I like to buy other things that are big enough to cover up the package so it’s not glaringly obvious to anyone walking by my buggy.

  27. Mmmhe! I’m right there with ya!
    Check out this post … for a good laugh.


  28. Whimsze,
    I can almost guarantee this will NOT be the last time you mention the “M” word…because when you get there, you will mention it a lot!!!!!

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