Where’s Gloria Gaynor when you need her?

Well, it’s all over but the shouting.  I survived the Big Trip to the Dentist, AKA Legally Trippin’ on a Friday.  I had to go back and look at my Twitter home page to see what I had said to help me reconstruct the day.

I’d like to say that I had everything under control, but the text I sent to Kellie at 7:40 belied my outward calm:

Girl, me and Jesus were having some intense negotiations between 2-5 this morning.

I popped the first wonder pill at 7:30 when we dropped the kids off at school and within 15 minutes was waxing rhapsodic about it on Twitter.

They should offer this as an add-in at Starbucks.

007

I thought I had my eyes open for this picture.  No lie – this was 20 minutes after I popped it.  Good thing my driver was wide awake.

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By the time I got to the dentist’s office, Craig had to help me walk in the front door for my legs had forgotten all of their functioning except how to buckle at the knees.  Once inside, I found the nearest wall and propped it up all by myself.  Tried to stop the goofy smile to no avail.

Someone led me to The Room, and the dentist came in holding three pills.  I remember him telling her – two Ativan and one Whateverizampam.  I may or may not have waited for him to get me water to swallow them with.  THEN, the nitrous of love.

Have I told you about the time I got over-nitroused?  It was in college and I had broken a tooth that needed to be crowned (the very one I got recrowned yesterday) and they had jacked me up on nitrous and forgot I was in the room.  Somewhere in the back of my head I started looping “Onward Christian Soldiers” and it managed to loop all the way out my mouth at the loudest end of the decibel range.   At least it wasn’t “Do you really want to hurt me?”

Wouldn’t want them to answer that with an extra jab of the needle, now, would we?

Craig says they placed a call to him saying they had found a large cavity that needed to be fixed next to the broken tooth, so he said okay.  Normally having him authorize an extra round of needles poked in my gums would have sent me straight to divorce court, but I was blissfully floating on Lake Como with George Clooney and could not have cared less.

George says to tell you all hello.

Apparently when all was said and done, I made it out of the chair and home, though I do not recall any of it.  Craig said I walked like Tim Conway on crack.  I tweeted

Pains and bed callww

Can someone tell me what “callww” means?

At 6:00 I found the wherewithal to type

Just a wakened by the warden to drink water. Back to bed. Oh, and OuCH!

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Then I woke up this morning at 7:30 – apparently Craig fed me a bowl of black bean chili in bed, because there was some on my shirt this morning.  (Note to husbands reading my blog:  help your wife out of her street clothes when she’s incoherent and needs to be in bed, or at least change them when they get beans on them.  Thank you.)

The children came in the room and said “I’m so glad you’re not dead”.  Me, too.

I tried to eat a cinnamon roll, but decided that food through straws might be the way to go today.   I think everything in general is going to be slowish.

Forgive any nonsensical ramblings – oh wait, every day here at CPQ you find nothing but nonsensical ramblings…you’re used to that.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers yesterday.

I survived.

I’ll wear makeup tomorrow.

Have a nice day.

PS – Normally I would care that I have odd lines/spacing/indentations in my post.  Not today.  It is what it is….

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20 responses to “Where’s Gloria Gaynor when you need her?

  1. Yay! You made it! I knew you’d do splendidly! I’m very proud of you. And very glad that you’re still speaking to me. 😉

  2. Even in pain, you’re funny.

    I’m glad you’re not dead too. 😉

  3. You are amazing.

    Glad to know you are back among the land of the living (and coherent)!

  4. So glad you survived! And with your humor intact!

    p.s. The dishcloths came. I love them. And thanks for the vinegar tip. I’ve always wondered what do you with soured ones. I usually throw them away.

  5. I’m so glad you aren’t dead or forgotten in a chair floating on laughing gas. I’m VERY proud of you for doing that. You done good, girl!

  6. Girl you are hilarious even when you are out of it. I am so happy you survived.

    Have a wonderful weekend.

  7. Shew! You made it. We missed you.

  8. I’m glad it’s over!
    Enjoy the down time. Let the boys take care of you for the weekend.

  9. so glad it went ok! 🙂 yay!

  10. I’m so glad the appointment is all over….and your state during it was very distant. Does that make sense? Probably not, you are so good with your words and drawing your readers in…I’m feeling a little callww myself right now.

    Do you know, you have actually made me not afraid to go to the dentist….you and the pills, that is. Onward Christian soldier, you did awesome!!!

  11. Good for you! Glad it’s over…rest this weekend..and eat through straws (reminds me of the people on WAL-E)

  12. Laughed all the way out loud. Gotta find me a dentist that will give me that stuff. Mine keeps telling me to ‘take deep breaths’- *eye roll*

  13. Wait a second – for a crown and a cavity you got all those fun drugs? And all I get is novocaine? I’ve been cheated.

  14. Next time I’m asking for the good stuff too!

    Glad you survived and even managed a fairly coherent post. Good for you!

    Now milk this for all it’s worth….I bet you could get all the cleaning, cooking and laundry done for days!

  15. I’m feeling just a little bit terrible that I just snort-laughed at your dental drama.

    Drugs…Good. Did you request a prescription to-go?

  16. Wow! Never knew that they could combine the gas AND the pills! My dentist must be holding out on me! Sounds like you have gotten WAAYY past your fear of the dentist! 🙂

    Hope you are all better soon!

  17. From the looks of things in your comment section, you could have a nice little side business with dental pharmaceuticals. 🙂

    And I’m glad you’re not dead, too. I’m still in awe that you prepared dinner ahead of time in the crock pot.

  18. I always find that my husbands the funniest when he’s on “magic pill”. You should try it with every blog post…

    You DO have a stash, right?? Cause I hear they come in handy for not only dental drama, but that they also make other things in life bearable or just down right funny.

  19. OH, man, you know I so wanna write some lyrics here (you KNOW I will) but it’s 11:40pm and I didn’t realized I’d missed this post!!??

    So, just know that I’m glad you made it..I will drive to NC when my time comes for this for your dentist, and I’m SOO glad to be your tweep so I could “watch” you tweet live..it was great!! 🙂

  20. Pingback: Is the Dentist’s Office BYOB? « Carpoolqueen’s Blog

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