Choices

Those of you with whom I chat regularly may have noticed that I wasn’t around much this week – not on Facebook, not on Twitter, not IMing, emailing or calling.  It wasn’t that I didn’t feel sociable or didn’t have an interest in what was going on with you.

It’s just that I was thinking.

Truth is, I’ve been thinking a lot since Sunday about life in general and my life in particular.  The last few weeks have been intense for me – lots of moving pieces, uncertainty about new job responsibilities, weirdness in relationships, stress over decisions about the house, etc.  And when I read John’s post, it helped clarify the incoherent thoughts that had been rattling around my brain for some time now, and I was finally able to begin making sense of what was troubling me.

I feel like life has been making decisions for me instead of me stepping up to act upon my life to take it in a direction of my choosing.

Before anyone gets nervous about the missionary kid talking about taking her life in the direction of her choosing, I’m not talking about taking control away from the One who directs my path.  I firmly believe that He orders and ordains my life.  But I also believe that I am not a robot and that He gave me brains and courage and moxie so that I could live this life abundantly and fully engaged in what it has to offer.

I have felt carried along by my life for the past couple of weeks.  I’ve felt like I’ve been at the whim of outside forces exerting pressure, a slave to others on my calendar, defenseless against events and situations that have conspired to worm their way into my happy place.

Rushed.

Pushed.

Shoved.

This has not made my happy place very happy.

And you know what?  I’ve realized that I’ve just let it happen without doing anything to stop it.

What kind of wimp am I?

Not the strong woman I want to be.

What kind of life is that?

Not the life of my choice.

So yesterday, I took charge.

I chose the life I wanted.

I chose not to live another day with pain in my shoulders, so I got a massage.

I chose to feed my spirit with something that brings me joy, so I went to the library and checked out smarty-pants AND fluffy books.

I chose to take delight in decadence, so I ate ice cream at 1:00.  Out of the carton. For lunch.

I chose to soak up the sun, so I sat on the back deck and read my fluffy books and pinked up my nose and shoulders.

I chose to spend fun time with the child that takes so much of my daily time, and in so doing, learned a a powerful lesson in perserverance and courage that moved me to tears (more on that tomorrow).

I chose to stop the madness and do something to make it better, and you know what?

It was bliss.

Refreshing.

Empowering.

I had so much fun that I halfway pondered making these choices every day, but then I remembered that I also choose to get paid for work and live in a house with clean toilets and folded laundry.

So today I’ll make other choices that may not be as indulgent, but are equally as important in shaping this life that I’ve been given.

Because I choose to make it a good one.

Have a nice day.

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21 responses to “Choices

  1. It’s interesting….there is much pondering going on in blogland lately. This is a good thing. Sounds weird, but you’ve been on my mind….I noticed that you were not around….something different in your “voice”. I’m glad that you shared this. I don’t think that day was indulgent…it was necessary and it sounded like good things came from it. ..refreshment is good!

  2. So glad that you had a good day yesterday. And hear you about life chasing you instead of you chasing life. Somehow it’s not really supposed to be like that. 🙂

  3. I love this post girl 🙂 Way to go for taking care of yourself — and also for (unfortunately) being willing to choose clean laundry sometimes too!

  4. I pondered this week what my kids will remember of me. Will they remember a fussy mom or a fun mom? I want them to have good memories. Choices make that happen.

  5. We all tend to get off balance like that.

    I think that “indulging” in a little it of what you did yesterday is the best way to give us the boost we need to do all of the “responsible” things that we need to do on the other days.

    What is it they say???

    All work and no play, make Jack a dull boy!

    Yea for you!

    Glad that you enjoyed your day!

  6. Thank you for being a blessing to me, to your family and to blogland.
    A massage…decadence!!!

  7. Well, and sorry to say, if Momma don’t take care of Momma, ain’t nobody gonna do it for her.

    We’re the grown ups now, and that very much does include the choice of feeding our hearts so we can get up the next day and meet the day’s work. I forget this choice and often fall into the “oh, it doesn’t martyr to me…” category. Something I’m discussing with God. “Here, God, here’s the world back. I’ll just focus on my story in the book. Sorry about that (again). “

  8. Excellent post. And I think that with all the stuff that is going on we can easily lose sight of all in life that IS important.

    I too am making some choices, and feel better for it.

  9. Thank you for sharing this. I’ve been composing a list of goals and dreams for this summer at home with my kids, and the one thing I know for sure is that I want to be intentional about how we spend our time. I want to be able to say no. Or be able to say yes when I want to, without feeling pressure about those decisions.

    Choices are sometimes hard, but God does give us the brains to make them. So let’s make good ones.

  10. Nicely said and Nicely done.

    Now if I could just succesfully choose to not give into the guilt that comes with some choices, It’d be all good. 🙂

  11. This is a fantastic post and there are so many great comments. I want to live intentionally, I just haven’t figured out how to do it. Like Sara, I often wonder what my son will remember of his childhood. My big fear is that he will remember me saying “we’ll do it later” or “no”. Time is passing so quickly and I’m just bouncing around like a pinball going/doing whatever someone else expects me to. Change is definately needed.

  12. I read this post earlier, went away to think about it, and came back and read it again before I commented. Because it was just that good. And now I know why my life has been feeling so out of whack lately. I know it’s time to take back control.

    I started by taking a nap today. And boy, was that nice.

  13. Good stuff, CPQ! You just put into words a lot of what I’ve been feeling lately. Sound like you made some lovely choices. Good for you!

    And moxie? I like moxie.

  14. I have found through the years that May is the wildest month of the year…maybe equal to or even more than December. Lots of parties, award ceremonies, graduations, etc, etc.
    It has been wild for me, too.
    I LOVE the things you chose to do! Several days ago, I just spent the whole afternoon sitting underneath a canopy of carolina jasmine in the most wonderful weather we have had in a long time. I felt a bit guilty at first…but I’m, glad now that I did it.
    It’s called “rest”. I am a tad bit familiar with that term..ha. They say it’s good for you….so enjoy all the more.

  15. Sometimes it helps when I remember that these are my choices…even the mess I’m about to clean up.

  16. I’m late on reading this because I’ve been thinky, too. Must be in the water here in blogland.

    I loved this post. And loved that you took time for yourself today. And love that you are my friend.

  17. Great thoughts. I have felt like my life has been running me since before our move. Thanks for reminding me that although we have responsibilities as adults we also have lots of things we can chose.

  18. To steal a quote from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, “You have chosen wisely.”

  19. I’ve started at least five posts about this very thing: feeling controlled by my life rather than actually living it, forgetting that all my responsibilities are choices I prefer to make (I dislike doing laundry, but I choose to have clean clothes.), that my life, while not always a carnival, is exactly what I want. You’ve written my thoughts so well! How did you do that? 😉

  20. i was sitting here trying to find some good, insightful book to read for the three hours i will be in a waiting room tomorrow, and somehow found this post (must be the search for “book”– that brought up no titles i might add–thanks. LOL!) good post. deliberate living. it’s always a good choice. it’s remembering to do it that’s key. i have a pain in my shoulder/neck too. i’m relying on advil pm!

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