Things I learned this week

1.  Never, and I mean NEVER, try to bluff your personal trainer into thinking you can handle whatever she’s about to dish out.  Confidence has NO place in the gym.

Bow.

Grovel.

Talk about your bum knee or that old war injury so she’ll go light on you.

Do NOT casually mention that you used to do similar workouts in high school.  She will take that as a personal affront and will then school you and leave you in a painful heap of unidentifiable quivering flesh in the middle of the gym floor.

Your leg muscles will twitch involuntarily.  Your lungs will crawl out of your esophagus trying to grasp whatever oxygen they can possibly find. You will consider cursing the day you were born on this planet.

You will also be so dad blamed sore that you cannot think coherently or lift your fingers to be able to type your blog post.

You have been warned.

2.  I will do anything for food.

I even faked being a teacher.

I mentioned Wednesday that I had a fun little project going on.  My IRL friend Gretchen is homeschooling this year and I off-handedly offered to do a multi-cultural lesson for her if she wanted me to, and she took me up on it.  Stunned with the realization that I now had to come up with a lesson plan, I went to the market to pick up some typical foods that I ate as a youngster in Guatemala to take to her kids.

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Gretchen warned me that her kids were a little hesitant to try new things, but they made a liar out of her.  They tried everything.  And liked it.  And asked if they could keep the goat’s milk caramel at their house.

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I also learned these are REALLY cute kids because I wouldn’t leave my caramel with just anybody.

3.  I learned that a week’s worth of gym work can be undone by one visit to Kellie’s house.

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Umm, that’s chocolate.

On yeast bread dough.

Go bug Kellie for the recipe or look for Chocolate Swirl Bread in in your mom’s Betty Crocker Cookbook.

You’re welcome.

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Oh.

My.

4.  I learned that it takes more time to write about a sheen-yon than it does to make one.

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I also learned that I still want to have a girl.

5.  I learned that I cannot stand to have a list that isn’t numbered to 5 or to 10.

I also learned that I can’t just have one sentence and leave it there without putting some running inane commentary underneath it.

And italics.

And.

One.

Word.

Sentences.

For.

Emphasis.

Have a nice day.

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25 responses to “Things I learned this week

  1. I also learned that I still want to have a girl.

    Warning! Warning! Danger Will Robinson!!!

    Back away from the girl and nobody gets hurt.

    Mr. CPQ has very little non-gray hair left. Please don’t push him over the edge.

  2. As the mother of a girl getting ready to enter 6th grade, I’ve gotta tell you how delusional you are if you want one 😉

  3. So, I know this chick who homeschools too. And she her kids LOVE anything mulit-cultural.
    You should call her.

    So, with the chee-yon…do you really have to tease your hair? I’m trying to avoid anything remotely 80’s.

  4. As the mother of a 19 yr. old girl . . . I still want more than one.
    And the chocolate bread! Oh My is right!
    I’m just sayin’

  5. I want imnotned to be my friend…seriously, Not Ned, a ding dang HOOT, you are!

    I love having a girl…your chignon is beautiful and so is that bread Kellie made…sheesh.

    I’m considering moving to NC for your hair talents, Kellie’s food talents and for you to teach my kids something about food other than CAWNTRY cookin’ 🙂

  6. I solve the problem in #1 by NOT having a trainer of any type. Well unless there was a such thing as a trainer in eating or sleeping. Then I might hire one 🙂

    ps – that bread/chocolate/stuff looks incredible/amazing/fantastic 🙂

  7. You have had a very educational week. I have gone to your friend Kellie’s blog to plead for her chocolate bread recipe. I had a little chocolate/brioche disaster two days ago that has left me bereft and in dire need of a chocolate bread mentor.

  8. I’d like you to come make a sheen-yon in my hair. For I’ve never gotten over liking to be the customer in a good game of beauty shop.

    I will not sign over parenting rights to my dtr, but she does only have one auntie, and could use more. Just sayin. And if she marries one of your boys, you could be her MIL, too. See how quickly I fix the world? 😉

    I’m so sorry about Nadia’s presence in your life.

  9. I’m in the middle of the 30 day shred and I understand completely. I just wrote about my aching knees today in fact. Sad but true. And actually it is going to take me way longer than 30 days to get thru the 30 day shred because I have to keep breaking for travel which besides being away involves alot of eating. And now that I’ve read your post I’m definitely going to have to try that chocolate swirl bread. Thank you!

  10. I’m certainly hoping that people notice the fact that there is lettuce and tomato sitting on counter as well. Because I know that when faced with yeast dough and melted chocolate I always choose the low calorie salad. I’m just self disciplined like that….

    Speaking of self-discipline, thank you for exercising your own….and not telling your fine readers how much chocolate bread I consumed in my kitchen.

  11. Oh and that beautiful girl wearing the Sheen-yon? She’s a sweet little thing…her mother must be proud.

  12. With you on the girl thing. But then we’d have to teach them about tampons and bras.

    No thanks.

  13. I am so drooling over all that yummy food.

    And I am so afraid to have daughters, because I don’t want to have THE talk. No thank you!

  14. Well, I just learned some from what you learned. All that caramel and then the chocolate..yum.

  15. So, if I bring the kids over, will you do the multi-cultural class again? Yes, I’ll gladly use my kids as an excuse to get some caramel. 🙂

    Oh, and that chocolate yeast bread treat – wow, I need to make that. Yum! And since our kids studied the 5 kingdoms of living things and realized yeast was a fungus, they won’t touch it leaving more for me!

    Your gym story is hilarious. Hope you feel better now.

  16. I hope Kellie will share that chocolate bread recipe. It looks divine!

    I admire you for working with a trainer! I need to get back into that. I vaguely recall telling one on my initial gym assessment where she showed me how to do the weights that I was on the power lifting team in high school and used to win in my weight division in squats all the time. I could barely walk the next day!

  17. Haha, least you have a personal trainer!

    The chocolate bread thing looks sooo good, no-one blames you for giving in for a second!

  18. Susan ….. looky here

    http://david-mcmahon.blogspot.com/2009/08/post-of-day_24.html

    We were on the “list” together …. how bizarre.

  19. ps. girls are great …. says someone who is founding “baby-ohilic’s anonymous” with ten and counting.

  20. Hello, found you through David at authorblog who has nominated you in his Post of the Day and no wonder…yummy food, funny writing [haha not peculiar] and David knows a good blog when he sees one. I shall be back.

  21. You learned alot for only one week. This could be spread out over a few weeks.

  22. Hilarious! I can vouch for the bit about the gym! Trainers can be really mean!

    ♥ Chaitra

  23. ha. itried to fool a personl trainer once…i think they have a second sense that tells them…he about killed me…i learned my lesson.

    congrats on the POTD mention!

  24. Brilliant post! I tried using a personal trainer for 2 sessions and didn’t even try to fool him. That was 10 years ago. The whole experience has left me scarred. =^) Congratulations on the POTD mention. Love your sense of humor!

  25. We aren’t off the exercise kick yet? Shoot.

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