1. Mr. CPQ earned his stripes yesterday by not yelling at me when I accidently came in a little hot into a parking space and took a chunk out of someone’s quarter panel.
There was a little paint transfer, but no petechial hemorrhaging , so everything was okay.
It reminded me of the time when we were newlyweds and the first snowstorm hit. I went outside to clear the snow/ice off my car before leaving for my commute and couldn’t find the ice scraper, so I did what any brilliant person would do and grabbed an old license plate from the hall closet (because somehow I felt the need to keep it?) and scraped it off, in the process leaving a thousand little cuts all over the windshield of the car.
When he observed the damage, I saw him take a deep breath, center himself, and then politely ask, “The only thing I want to know is, what ideas did you discard thinking the license plate would be better?”
I have never loved him more.
2. The weird guy at the gym finally talked to me today. It’s not like I was trying to get his attention or anything, but he has been an object of my curiosity since he’s there every single time that I am no matter what time I go.
He’s always on the bike and I always have the urge to cut his hair and plop him down in front of What Not to Wear.
Today he must have been bored because he was leaving and decided to have a conversation with me about having mid-life crises, which is exactly the kind of conversation that I want to have with random strangers at the gym. He seemed to be amused by himself regaling stories of real mid-life crises that involved leaving your wife and kids, and I tried to use that fake smile that should warn strangers that I’m really not interested in hearing about their angst but he seemed oblivious to it and so there you have it.
I have a feeling this won’t be the last time you hear about the weird guy, so I’m going to call him Larry, not because I think Larry is a weird name, but because he reminds me of Larry from Larry, Darryl, and Darryl.
3. Trapper Dan is coming to the house today to check out our little squirrel problem. He seems to be a fearless sort, evidenced by the fact that he just called to say he’s running late because he was chasing bats around the house.
And I thought I was having a bad day.
When Mr. CPQ told me that Trapper Dan was coming and was going to set, well, traps for the squirrels, I asked if they were humane traps or if they were going to kill the squirrels.
There was a slight pause and then I heard, “Sus, you know that nature makes a lot of squirrels, right?”
Have a nice day.