Men

1.  Mr. CPQ earned his stripes yesterday by not yelling at me when I accidently came in a little hot into a parking space and took a chunk out of someone’s quarter panel.

There was a little paint transfer, but no petechial hemorrhaging , so everything was okay.

It reminded me of the time when we were newlyweds and the first snowstorm hit.  I went outside to clear the snow/ice off my car before leaving for my commute and couldn’t find the ice scraper, so I did what any brilliant person would do and grabbed an old license plate from the hall closet (because somehow I felt the need to keep it?) and scraped it off, in the process leaving a thousand little cuts all over the windshield of the car.

When he observed the damage, I saw him take a deep breath, center himself, and then politely ask, “The only thing I want to know is, what ideas did you discard thinking the license plate would be better?”

I have never loved him more.

2.  The weird guy at the gym finally talked to me today.  It’s not like I was trying to get his attention or anything, but he has been an object of my curiosity since he’s there every single time that I am no matter what time I go.

He’s always on the bike and I always have the urge to cut his hair and plop him down in front of What Not to Wear.

Today he must have been bored because he was leaving and decided to have a conversation with me about having mid-life crises, which is exactly the kind of conversation that I want to have with random strangers at the gym.  He seemed to be amused by himself regaling stories of real mid-life crises that involved leaving your wife and kids, and I tried to use that fake smile that should warn strangers that I’m really not interested in hearing about their angst but he seemed oblivious to it and so there you have it.

I have a feeling this won’t be the last time you hear about the weird guy, so I’m going to call him Larry, not because I think Larry is a weird name, but because he reminds me of Larry from Larry, Darryl, and Darryl.

larry

3.  Trapper Dan is coming to the house today to check out our little squirrel problem.  He seems to be a fearless sort, evidenced by the fact that he just called to say he’s running late because he was chasing bats around the house.

And I thought I was having a bad day.

When Mr. CPQ told me that Trapper Dan was coming and was going to set, well, traps for the squirrels, I asked if they were humane traps or if they were going to kill the squirrels.

There was a slight pause and then I heard, “Sus, you know that nature makes a lot of squirrels, right?”

Men.

Have a nice day.

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15 responses to “Men

  1. I’m sure Trapper Dan plans to capture each squirrel and put those felt sticky things on each of their precious little paws..that way, you won’t hear them scampering inside your walls.

    Keep telling yourself that and everything will be OK.

    Hope you have a squirrel free night!

  2. I don’t know why I think squirrels are cute and sweet but rats are nasty. They’re both rodents.

    What have I told you about picking up guys at the gym? I think I told you to not.

  3. When it comes to comments I try not to repeat what other have already said….but Whimzie said bears repeating….

    Squirrels are merely rats with a cute way about them.

    On a side note, have a ever told you about the time in AZ when I back the mini van into our house?

  4. When my husband shows true grace about things (like your car incident) I fall in love all over again.

    You should have just asked my mom to come take care of your squirrels. She’s armed, ready, and has a score to even.

  5. haha i’m (strangely) glad you ran into another car. it makes me feel better about backing smack into a tree. I’m not sure what “petechial hemorrhaging” means, but I think I probably had it on my little accident . . .

  6. Yes, please elaborate on petechial hemmorhaging. I am too busy to google it right now. Nice to catch up with you in bloggy land. I’ve been away in twitterville all month.

  7. LOL….classic line! I forgot all about Larry, Darryl, and Darryl….thanks for the memory jog!

  8. Wow, what a saint you have in a hubby.
    And you didn’t even have to turn on the tears?

  9. Gretchen-imnotnedisrightthistime

    Larry, Daryl & Daryl…one of the many reasons I heart u so is that you know the value of a well placed TV reference.

    I’m sure the traps are humane. Love, Pollyanna

  10. I once declared squirrels were nothing more than rats with tails…

    Yes, I realize rats also have tails…I meant tails of the fluffy variety. I don’t know why people can’t listen to what I MEAN instead of what I SAY.

    I despise squirrels. The ones in my yard used to sit on the tree branches and chuck acorns at my elderly dog with Alzheimer’s while she was trying to remember how to go potty. I am sure it was deliberate. Just to provoke me.

    I hope the traps are inhumane.

  11. Squirrels multiply more rapidly than rabbits, more some years than others (it runs in cycles), & this was a banner year! There is no such thing as a good squirrel…!!!!! I grew up where the squirrels were brown, fat, & plentiful. But they ate acorns, NOT everything in the garden! I get a twitch in my eye like the boss man in the Inspector Clouseay when I see a squirrel after this summer of them stealing everything I was growing. So, humane… I personally wouldn’t care if they strung them up! I’m not going to add the comments about them being like rats… since “someone” in your family has a new affinity for rats… Wouldn’t he like a bunny rabbit? We have plenty of those too!

  12. Whoops, I meant Inspector Clouseau! (Pink Panther movies)

  13. Can’t stop giggling about Larry, Darryl, and his other brother, Darryl.

    You seriously had a parking lot incident the same day I did?!? I haven’t tried to clean up the long scuff mark all the way down the driver side yet.

  14. That Lisa….this is why I love her.

    My men eat the squirrels around these parts. Just have Trapper Dan give ’em to ya when he’s done, and you can fry ’em up for dinner. You like weird food….you can do it.

    And tell the menfolk that it’s chicken.

    Like I would have been of the creepy gym man.

    And like I was about telling Mr. Raising Rascals about the time I backed into his truck…but it was his fault…entirely….he was parked in the wrong spot.

  15. giggling hysterically as I get all caught up on your posts….

    hahahaha. good stuff, lady!

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