In which I have nothing to say but I say it anyway

I took the boys to the library yesterday because I was getting tired of the daily calls from the automated voice lady saying that my books were overdue and telling me to Press 1 if I needed an application for the second mortgage to pay my fines.

My problem is that I’ve been checking out knitting  books and I have three projects in differing stages of completion, none of which are within the library’s three week return policy which is driving me batty because all the books promised “knit in under an hour” and they lie!  they lie!

Anyway, I went to return them and while I was there, I thought that maybe I could be more efficient with my time if I let Travis play on the computer while I searched for my next book.  That was a wee bit of a mistake because I didn’t stop to think that the library computers don’t have sound and while I was happily searching the stacks thinking he was quietly engrossed in his favorite activity, turns out he was getting a little agitated about the no sound thing and turns out that the rest of the library patrons found out about it when OVER THE LOUDSPEAKER I hear “Will the parent of the child on Computer 19 please come help him?”

I knew that would be me, just as sure that I know  that “cleanup on aisle 5”  involves one of my offspring.

Speaking of offspring, I was reminded yesterday that you never stop being your mama’s kid.  My mom pulled me from the ledge yesterday with a well-timed phone call that I received when I was in the middle of spinning myself into an ugly state because I had misplaced a Very Important Prescription that I had picked up at the doctor’s office two weeks ago and had promptly misplaced in the house before I could get my ducks in a row to fill out the paperwork to mail it in and get it filled.

I had looked high and low for about 10 minutes an hour and it was nowhere to be found and Mom told me I just needed to call the doctor back and get another prescription and I was trying to tell her that was just going to be beyond painful for me to do because though my house is usually just shy of disastrous on most days, I have this need to appear perfect and on top of everything and calling the doctor to admit I had lost it was somehow going to turn  me into a candidate for Worst Mother of the Year award.

And Mom gently told me that these things happen and just call them and get it over with and move on with important things in my life like calling my mother and telling her what charming things her grandchildren had said that day, and then she asked the magic question, “Have you looked in your purse?”

Looking in my purse is akin to going dumpster diving outside a Georgia-Pacific plant.  Mr. CPQ says I have a little bit of  a “problem” when it comes to organizing receipts, etc. and I have to agree with him on this one. Let’s hope he doesn’t read the blog today.  Don’t want it going to his head that I said he’s right.

Anyway, wouldn’t you know?  When she said “purse”, I remembered that I had placed it in there so I’d KNOW WHERE IT WAS and it wouldn’t get lost in the other piles of paper I have on the counter that sit there until they’re overtaken by events and I can then throw them away.

Hello, my name is Susan and my mother is still saving my bacon.

Speaking of bacon, I have eight pounds of it in the refrigerator.  Mr. CPQ and I didn’t coordinate shopping schedules and we went to the warehouse club on the same day and both decided to buy bacon, and now I need to find  recipes for bacon casseroles or it will go bad.  I guess I can freeze it, right?

I think I better call Mom.  She’ll know.

Have a nice day.


34 responses to “In which I have nothing to say but I say it anyway

  1. Gotta love the paging systems. Nothing informs the world of our excellent parenting skills like, “Is there a mom named Amber who has carrots in her buggy? If so, please come to the customer service desk.”

    And you and me? Kindred. My purse is sceery.

  2. My husband refuses to even open my purse…or as he calls it…the Black Hole. Stuff goes in and is never seen again. Well, according to him anyway.

    Yes you can freeze bacon. You have to give it a good while to thaw though, especially if you’re the impatient type when it comes to things like this and you try to peel it apart while still frozen and then it sorta shreds and makes you crazy. Don’t bother asking how I know.

    Have a great day!

  3. Joyce is right about freezing bacon.

    And we’ll always be friends, b/c I might have a crunchy/jingly sounding purse (just zip it up), and, and might have waterbottles which sometimes fall out of the car upon child drop-off, and I MIGHT work myself into a tizzy about things like looking for prescriptions.

    And our library felon lady calls us, too.

    But here’s where we lose kinship–our library doesn’t fine. 😉

  4. Yes, you can freeze bacon. Just remember to shut your freezer door, or you’ll loose all the bacon.
    Ask me how I know.

    You know, you could make praline bacon. mmmmm

  5. Sometimes I could bacon and then crumble it before freezing it so it’s ready as potato toppers.

    Have you ever had bacon-wrapped water chestnuts? We eat them during football games sometimes. I have the recipe if you want it.

    A lot of bacon can be a good thing! 🙂

  6. At least they didn’t call you by name. Wouldn’t that be worse?

    Copy machine! I think it’s ok to copy the patterns for personal use. Our fine was $27! $10 limit, though. Whew! Is there an amnesty day on fines or is that just on returning late books? I can’t believe they didn’t cut us off on new loans, but just smiled and said, “That’s ok, you can pay it next time.”

    Ditto on the paper. Tax prep is a nightmare for me. Agree with everyone else on freezing bacon.

  7. I forgot to say that I’m still waiting for the “year of jubilee” for forgiveness of library fines. I keep getting the emails about renewing my books, but I’m just so ashamed at how late they are.
    This sounds like an Oprah episode.

  8. Oh I needed a laugh this morning, and I just knew you’d be the one to give it to me 🙂 Although I’m wondering if I’m the one who wrote this post. Let’s review my morning: 1-drove (more like INCHED) to the airport in ridiculous traffic, well before my normal wake-up time. 2- Parked about 20 miles away from the airport, in order to save a grand total of $6 (not worth it, in my humble opinion) 3-Left my boarding pass and ID on the table where they give you ziploc bags for all your liquids. 4-Retrieved said ID/boarding pass, made it through security, arrived at our gate to discover that Delta had canceled our flight. 5-Went to Delta counter, they were confused as to what our problem was . . . 6-Got on a new flight, yay! Oh but I forgot my phone in the car – (and I need my phone because it has the address of where we’re going, it’s our gps, etc etc) 7 – Now I’m sitting here reading your blog (and writing you a novel of a comment) while Adam treks it 20+ miles to the car to retrieve it 🙂

  9. It makes life easier to cook the bacon, then freeze it. Then you just have the greesy, bacon-smelling mess once. Enjoy cooking up those 8 pounds of bacon. 🙂 Mer can tell you great ways to cook the bacon in the oven — we had this discussion on fb the other day. 🙂

    So glad I’m not the only mother who won’t let the “professionals” know how much of a mess of a mom I am. I rather have sick kids than admit I lost the script.

  10. We have the same purse! Wow.

    Freeze the bacon.

  11. As long as you don’t lose a kid, you’re doing alright. Just keep telling yourself that. You may lose prescriptions, receipts, cell phones, purses, cars, or even a head or two. But by the end of the day, as long as you still have the same number of children that you started out with that morning, you did good. 🙂

  12. Hey, what happened to the FlyLady stuff? Here I was all picturing you as the paragon of organization by now.
    P.S. EVERYTHING is better with bacon.

  13. Working myself into a tizzy…check.
    Overdue books….check.
    Messy, crazy, pacies and toy trucks flying out, diving for my husbands keys and wallet he throws in but refuses to fish back out cause it’s too messy…check.
    Bacon in freezer…check.
    Recipes that call for bacon (to wrap the chicken or greenbeans in)….check. Email me.
    Still callin’ Mom for answers and help (usually related to cooking)….check.
    Picking hair of friends backs, fixing straps and such….check.

    Enough reasons that we can be friends….check.

  14. Lauren Richardson

    you can freeze bacon AND if you don’t thaw it out completely it’s much easier to chop up for stuff like potato skins… and I would love to hear more about the bacon wrapped water chestnuts!! I seriously could be the dog in the commercial saying “bacon, bacon, bacon!”… except for the chocolate covered bacon at the fair– yuck! (but I’d try it again if they promised crispier bacon… just sayin’)

    and, a little tip on the library fines… the max fine is $10, but you can keep racking up fines with no adverse consequences up to $50! at that point, you can no longer renew or request books online (but you can still check them out to your heart’s content). So, in theory, if you expect additional fines to accrue in your future, you could just wait and pay your $10 a little later… they are always perfectly lovely about it at the library– they really just want the books back! (don’t ask me how I know…)

    And finally, putting anything somewhere so that I’ll “know where it is”…. recipe for disaster!!!

    heart you!

  15. You can line a broiler pan with foil, spray with Pam and lay out the bacon, cook at 400 for about 20 minutes or till done, repeat until all cooked, laay 2 pieces on paper towels, fold it over and repeat for a “stack”, put them in ziplock bags and all you do is pull out how many pieces you want–so easy. Pour off the grease after each load and when totally finished throw that foil away and lightly wash the pan–oh so easy!!! Takes a while to cook, but such a blessing all those times you need some bacon. I know your friends Sandy and Gretchen and S. told me how great your blog is, so I checked in. I am not a blogger but enjoy reading some of them. I see you at church with your boys–I teach SS. Is it not wonderful to have Moms to help put things in perspective for us. Have a blessed rest of the day.

  16. Parenting can humble me beyond what I ever thought possible. Yet, it is the greatest job in the world.

    I heard they served chocolate covered bacon at the fair this year. Just a thought.

  17. Oh, forgot:
    Hubby cooks all of our bacon on the grill (on a griddle made for the grill) so that it doesn’t stink up the house; and you can do large quantities.

  18. I remember the day I was at Super Target and couldn’t find my cell phone, that was ringing, in my monstrous purse. Not thinking of any people around watching me, I got fed up and dumped the entire contents beside the Gala apples. Found my phone – not in time of course- and then noticed everyone staring at me.

    I don’t know why I haven’t learned to maybe get a smaller purse, BUT then I wouldn’t have any room to put all this ‘stuff/junk’ in it, right? 🙂

  19. I’ve had that similar thing come over the loudspeaker for my own child, only it was at Wal-Mart. 😦 And yes we have both bought bacon too, same day, same place. Oh my!

  20. “..piles of paper I have on the counter that sit there until they’re overtaken by events and I can then throw them away…”

    Amen sister!!!

    Put bacon on soups, on baked beans, on potato casserole type things, have BLTs for supper – or BLCs as my C2 doesn’t like T and has cheese instead – be sure to use dense bread so it is filling, put bacon in a quiche, great appetizer or breakfast item: stuffing wrapped in bacon & secured by toothpick / bake until bacon is cooked.

  21. I just found your blog this week. I love it! I just wanted to share that when I get a knitting/cooking book from the library and I need to keep it longer than three weeks, I log into my library account and just renew the books. That way I can keep them another three weeks and not pay the fines. I would check at your library and see if this is an option for you. It has saved me tons of money in fines.

    p.s. I feel you on the piles of paper everywhere. It’s a daily battle here.

  22. It’s just a bacon kinda week, isn’t it…like I said yesterday, I’m glad for bacon.

    Fly Lady??? Just put her in the same category as Martha. Dislike them both. Guilt ravaging twits.

    Library…I don’t go. Why? Because I’d rather buy the books than have to remember where they are and get them somewhere on a deadline. The church library is sucking the life out of me as it is, and they don’t charge fines…it’s that letter that you get when you’ve decided to not return the church’s property…guilt, guilt, guilt.

    Oh yeah, and because I don’t go to the library, I’ve had to transform my ‘sitting room’ into my very own library, complete with bookshelves..I now own 6 large bookshelves and the oldest is only in the 7th grade!

    OK, I’m done. I feel better.

  23. one question: is this your rx, or that cat’s??????

    freeze the bacon. too much pressure to figure out what to do with it right now. one day you can make blt’s. and as my son says, “ok, but can I have one without the tomatoes and lettuce? oh, and without the bread???”

  24. … timing! ….

    this morning I call my dr for a referral that was filed …… in a very safe place.

  25. As usual, you have me in stitches! I was going to tell you to get in touch with Miss Dixie because she just told me how she does her bacon. But she beat me to the punch! I do put mine in the freezer already cooked in stacks like she said because it is easier to get it all cooked up & “stink up the house” just once.
    Being the ADD that I am… I always have piles (because that’s the only way I can find anything!) But I have come up with a way to keep track of receipts: I hung one of those things on the back of my closet door that has like 15 pouches. I put current receipts in one, my sunglasses in another, prescriptions that I’m not ready to fill in another, even have different envelopes for the receipts (Belk, Target, etc.) of places I frequent enough to have their own envelope. Then the envelopes go in a pouch for longer term. It works for me… most of the time.

  26. What?! Gretchen’s library doesn’t fine?!!!! Pack me up NOW!!! I’m not kidding the last time I went I paid around $20…went the whole summer w/o fines then fell back into my sin…I have 3 books from months ago to return…uh-huh, we’re talking around $30 i’m gonna owe….Merry Christmas, Tiff…

    Mamas are definitely for saving our bacon even into our adulthood!!!

  27. Okay, my terrible mother story about getting paged in a store. I took the youngest with me to the store and she wanted to browse the magazines while I picked up a couple of things. Sure, I said, I’m only going to be a minute, hon. Ran into an old friend, talked, talked, etc. at the end of an aisle, the endcap to be exact. Sooooo, when much time went by and little one started to look for me she didn’t see me as she walked and looked down the aisles. She was spotted looking nervous by an employee who took her to customer service and called me, but my phone had no service inside the store. That’s about when I stopped laughing hysterically at my friend and heard my name being called over the loud speaker in the store. She won’t leave my side now when we shop together. Really, I wasn’t trying to leave her there.
    Oh, Fly Lady is long forgotten here, too.

  28. Chocolate covered bacon is awesome. Alton Brown has a great recipe.

  29. OH, SO GLAD to know I’m not the only one with issues returning library books! We haven’t been in over a year. I think I’ve been banned from that place. Or maybe not. They are always happy to take my money…..

  30. G. got me this awesome purse organizer that I love. It has little dividers & zipped areas in it & places for credit cards. Then when you want to switch purses, you just pull that out & put it in the other one. I don’t use really big purses (because they just look silly on my), but it fits in most of mine. If you carry a big purse, that would at least keep together the “essentials”.

  31. You can freeze baon, but mine always seems to thaw saltier. Just make candied bacon (Google is your friend). It will be gone before you know it. 🙂

  32. Ok, CPQ I have been a little behind on reading blogs. Thanks for the comment on my little blog. You are sweet to read my blog of activities that about every family does. I need to come up with some creativity. Anyway, I LOVED this post of yours. Especially the part of your mom saving you. Seems like moms are always right (even though I have a hard time saying to my mom “Ok, you were right.”) As usual, have a nice day.

  33. love, love, love this post. makes me feel like I just sat and had a good long chat with ya, funny girl.

    and you know, one thing I can always find? among my receipts? my keys. a good friend gave me a hand with that 😉

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