Of mice and men

I think the cat needs to go back to the shelter.

I was sitting at the kitchen table minding my own business when he hopped in through his special door and announced his presence in a sort of growly way.  Turns out he couldn’t meow because there was a MOUSE IN HIS MOUTH which he lovingly deposited at my feet and turned to look adoringly at me as though I should give him tuna treats for such a bountiful gift.

Give me flying rabid vampire bats, give me needles in my eye, give me triplets, give me ANYTHING except for a rodent on the loose.

I did what any rational person would do and ran screaming from the room.  Sadly, my offspring did not jump to my rescue until I pulled out cold hard cash and waved a $5 reward to whomever would take it out of the house.  Baby A decided that five bucks was enough to get over his heebie jeebies, and took the offensive rat from Hades outside and threw it into the yard.

Where it was promptly rescued by the cat and brought back into the house less than three minutes later.

Read the paragraph above to see what I did again, and this time, realizing he had significant leverage in the situation, my child negotiated a bigger fee for disposal.

My hero.

And his father’s son.

Have a nice day.


20 responses to “Of mice and men

  1. ohmyword!!! my cat used to leave the “dead” mouse outside by my chair on the deck. but since mice are gray and unfortunately so was the deck (well not really, but close enough), I did not always see the mouse. I would scream too. Sometimes they had a head, sometimes they did not. Gross. Again, why do we have animals living in our house???? Happy Thanksgiving!!

  2. Picturing a frightened and screaming CPQ waving cash around while her boys negotiate their fees is just plain funny. Maybe even hilarious. Thanks for making my day. And it’s only 6:30!

    PS- Sorry about the mouse. 🙂

  3. I really hope this wasn’t first thing in the morning while you were trying to enjoy a cup of coffee. Yeah, I think there is a no tolerance clause for rodents in the house.

  4. Next time I would like to put my bid in too.

    That is if Monistat Kitty gets to stay….;)

  5. Ick. Gross. Nah-stee.

    But you waving cash for critter disposal is just good stuff.

  6. You crack me up! And Candace makes it even funnier. 🙂

    Thanks for the reminder to remain adamantly pet free!

    Happy Thanksgiving!

  7. Wait, wait, you’re looking at this all wrong! Cat loves you. Cat is bringing you a gift he worked very hard to get. For you. Cat wants your love and affection in return.
    Although how you’re gonna give that to him while he has mouse breath is beyond me.

  8. Oh don’t give kitty back. He totally loves you. It’s kind of like when a husband gives you an emergency road side kit for a Birthday present. They are both doing it with love.

  9. You better watch out for $15 bucks your smart little off spring might just start bringing them in the house all by themselves…

    knowing what makes mama scream and cold hard cash = dasterdly children

    What a great make me laugh story…sorry it had to be yours!!


  10. Amy beat me to it but I was thinkin’ the same thing. . . cuz they’re smart like that.

    I don’t care for cats but I do appreciate his need to please you. 🙂

    I’m just sayin’

  11. Okay -I really am sorry about the mouse, but that is just plain hysterical!

  12. We had a Siberian Huskey that did that same thing! Sadly it was before we had offspring so there was no one to bribe — I mean pay.

  13. Gag!! Disgusting!
    That reminds me of day before yesterday, when I texted my husband (in the house) to come rescue me from my minivan (in the driveway). There was a HUGENORMOUS bizarre southern bug on my side view mirror, and I REFUSED to exit the vehicle until it was removed and disposed of!
    Those are moments that for me trigger P&P+B&J=comfort which is why I’m having a P&P giveaway on my blog. I want everyone to have warm fuzzies, not just me!

  14. Oh my. That is so crazy! My dog brings me grubs from the yard. I thought that was gross but yes, a rodent would totally freak me out.

  15. will your cat please come to my college DINING HALL to get rid of the “friendly” starbucks mice!?!?

  16. How could you? That was a present for the family! 😀 The trick is to throw them back out while the cat’s not looking or he’ll just drag it back in. Worse, he might think you’re incapable of looking after prey and bring in HALF DEAD BIRDS and try to teach you how to hunt! Yuk, my cats were so disappointed in my chasing skills.

  17. Your story made me laugh and nearly pass out at the same time. I’m so afraid of mice/rats…and bats.

  18. My husband, not five minutes ago, informed me that a mouse just ran from a woodpile by the house and INTO our garage, which is just inches, I tell you, inches away from the room in which I sit presently typing. I may be needing the extermination/removal services of your boys shortly. Just think of the Christmas money they could earn. There is big money in this.

  19. ‘give me triplets…..’ HAHAHAHA.

  20. Yeah, I was gonna tell you my kids would’ve laughed at the $5 fee.

    Spoiled, I know.

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