I spent some time going through the blog archives last night to pull together a retrospective on 2009 and laughed and cried all over again at some of the places, emotionally and physically, that I visited this year. Truth be told, this last year was a weird one for me. It was a year where I look back and I don’t see a lot of change in my immediate surroundings – I’m in the same house, with the same husband and children, with the same stains on the carpet and the same box in the corner that I can’t seem to muster the energy to sort through and toss – but it was also a year in which I gained new maturity, new friends, new skills, and a newfound appreciation for my colorist.
Even though the growth has been welcome and I’m leaving the year a little more comfortable in my own skin, I’m also ending the year still wrestling with vines that have entangled themselves around my life and need to be pruned. Pruning is painful, paradoxically cutting away things that are either alive or dead to enable vigorous new growth. Pruning, in my case, requires opening a gate hinge that,truthfully, is a little rusty so the Gardener can come in and do what He does best.
As I’ve been cleaning house this week and ruminating over what my resolutions need to look like in the New Year, one theme has consistently resonated.
I want to take the extra step.
If I took the extra step, so many things would be different. The platter from the dishwasher would go into the cabinet instead of sitting on the counter. The thirty minutes on the treadmill would turn into 35, then 40. The boys would get more than an absent-minded mother; they would get my real attention. My friends would get a phone call, not just a passing thought in my mind wondering how they were.
My Savior would get my time, not just my intention.
I cannot walk without the entangling vines being stripped away. So I’m asking God to prune me. That’s a dangerous prayer to pray and I hesitate putting it in print, but I don’t want to be in a chokehold any more.
I want to breathe.
I want to grow.
I want to become what He intends me to be.
I want to be used for His purpose.
I’m looking forward to the places God will lead my feet as I step out in faith to experience what He has for me. I’m grateful for your friendship along the path…you make the sketchy places a little less scary and the rest stops a lot more fun.
Are you ready?
Let’s hit the road.
Have a nice day.