I’ve had three doctor’s appointments this week which means you might want to get your affairs in order because if CPQ has darkened the door of a medical facility, it’s a pretty sure bet that there’s a tear in the universe and it’s the end of the world as we know it.
I blame my fear of the doctor on having to be held down as a child one dark day in the early 70s while being administered umpteen thousand shots that were required before traveling to Latin America.
Let’s just say that was not a pleasant experience for any one of the six people it took to restrain me and I certainly did NOT deserve a lollipop at the end of that appointment, a point which was clearly made by one of the nurses as I walked out of the room.
My mother, however, certainly deserved her Valium.
My “lady doctor” appointment went just fine, though I was slightly miffed that for the first time in my life they didn’t ask me if I was pregnant when I walked in the door. I guess I should be glad that my mid-section does not give the appearance of being great with child (thank you, Spanx), but apparently the rest of me must have screamed, “Don’t even ask” because I was escorted back to the exam room without the obligatory stop in the ladies room with an EPT .
And that’s all I’m going to say about that appointment except for the fact that I got bigger heebie jeebies about the cleanliness of the socks they put over the metal things (can’t bring myself to type the word) than I did about the exam itself.
As expected, my doctor referred me to the imaging center for a baseline cramogram and I made the appointment while I was still in the parking lot because I know myself and I would obsess about it until it done, and sadly they could see me immediately.
So this morning I went.
They took me to a little room where I changed into a robe that I personally would not have chosen because patterned ivory does not do a thing for me, and then they called me into the radiology room where I became extremely familiar with the radiology tech.
For the record, her name is Lisa and she has very cold hands.
Also for the record, I became twelve and got a case of the nervous giggles which didn’t really help the radiologist because she told me to stay very still and not breathe and that’s what got me to laughing because breathing at that point was the last thing on my mind and IT’S NOT AS THOUGH I COULD GO ANYWHERE ANYWAY.
So I got it over with and it did not hurt one single bit.
And then I went to Starbucks and had pastries.
Lots and lots of pastries.
Have a nice day.