Well I’m glad THAT’S over

I’ve had three doctor’s appointments this week which means you might want to get your affairs in order because if CPQ has darkened the door of a medical facility, it’s a pretty sure bet that there’s a tear in the universe and it’s the end of the world as we know it.

I blame my fear of the doctor on having to be held down as a child one dark day in the early 70s while being administered umpteen thousand shots that were required before traveling to Latin America.

Let’s just say that was not a pleasant experience for any one of the six people it took to restrain me and I certainly did NOT deserve a lollipop at the end of that appointment, a point which was clearly made by one of the nurses as I walked out of the room.

My mother, however, certainly deserved her Valium.

My “lady doctor” appointment went just fine, though I was slightly miffed that for the first time in my life they didn’t ask me if I was pregnant when I walked in the door.  I guess I should be glad that my mid-section does not give the appearance of being great with child (thank you, Spanx), but apparently the rest of me must have screamed, “Don’t even ask” because I was escorted back to the exam room without the obligatory stop in the ladies room with an EPT .

And that’s all I’m going to say about that appointment except for the fact that I got bigger heebie jeebies about the cleanliness of the socks they put over the metal things (can’t bring myself to type the word) than I did about the exam itself.

As expected, my doctor referred me to the imaging center for a baseline cramogram and I made the appointment while I was still in the parking lot because I know myself and I would obsess about it until it done, and sadly they could see me immediately.

So this morning I went.

They took me to a little room where I changed into a robe that I personally would not have chosen because patterned ivory does not do a thing for me, and then they called me into the radiology room where I became extremely familiar with the radiology tech.

For the record, her name is Lisa and she has very cold hands.

Also for the record, I became twelve and got a case of the nervous giggles which didn’t really help the radiologist because she told me to stay very still and not breathe and that’s what got me to laughing because breathing at that point was the last thing on my mind and IT’S NOT AS THOUGH I COULD GO ANYWHERE ANYWAY.

So I got it over with and it did not hurt one single bit.

And then I went to Starbucks and had pastries.

Lots and lots of pastries.

The end.

Have a nice day.

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25 responses to “Well I’m glad THAT’S over

  1. Love that picture…it says it all…dressing room with dreaded gown, nervous patient and machine in the next room.

    So proud of you for getting the squash…with the number of our precious Blogger Gals and friends who are facing (and have overcome!) breast cancer, its worth the minor inconvenience and some cold hands, to keep healthy!

  2. Love the picture!
    I think any Sunday School attendee could read this without squirming. Or giggling. :>)

  3. Good job.
    I now have an image of you at the doctor (with the giggles) and it will remind me to go. I know, I need to go. Except now I’m scared I’m going to remember your story and how you got the giggles and that is going to totally crack me up at the wrong moment.

  4. I had to get a baseline 5 years ago and they also made me do the ultrasound and accused me of wearing deodorant that day! Must do some doctor shopping. . .

  5. funny thing, just after you posted your original post about going to the lady doc the other day, I got my yearly notice in the mail that it was time for me to call and make my appointment. Evidently this is in season right now. I haven’t called yet, but I will….

  6. In the name of all that is good and pure and holy, can we move on to another topic please?

    Don’t make me start bringing up menfolk-related doctor phrases like “turn your head and cough” or “now just relax while I put on this rubber glove.”

  7. Good Girl. And way to substitute pastries for the lollypop.

    And be sure to tell IMNOTNED that it really doesn’t bother us women folk to hear about the rubber glove. Nothing compares and we’ve been through so much more and then some.

    If truth be told, we enjoy hearing of their discomfort.

    Just sayin’

  8. I still giggle at mine and I’m about to go have my third cramogram. It just relieves stress for me. They like me so much that they have me come in every 6 months. 🙂

  9. I’m with Carrie…until that ‘cough’ produces a 9 pound watermelon coming out a very small ‘place’, can’t say that I’m too inclined to get the willies reading about it.

    Bless your heart, Imnotned…I’m sure glad you are here!

    And for you CPQ…good for you! See, that’s over (for now)…and in the whole realm of perspective, I think you would agree that being in that hospital room waiting to deliver THREE boys is slightly more difficult than becoming ‘friends’ with Lisa Cold Hands.

  10. I had to read that last part twice. When I first read it I thought you said you went to Starbucks in pasties.

  11. I am pretty sure that cold hands are the first thing they check when hiring radiology techs.

    I can be very still until you tell me to be very still then all bets are off…

    And…pasteries after mamograms are the recommended treatment…so you are now good to go.

  12. Just try having problems…then you get all ‘who else wants to see them’ and you are so over any shred of modesty you may have had…

  13. I think your visit would have been way better if a clown had been there.

  14. I had a clever comment all planned out for this post and then I went and read Lisa’s.

    And I lost it.

    Pasties. Snort.

  15. For heaven’s sake, Imnotned, you have children.

    I have a friend who makes “lady’s” day a full day. She does the unmentionable, and then spends the rest of the day browsing bookstores, eating pastries, and getting a pedi.

  16. Seriously, coming back over this evening to read your comments was TOTALLY worth it for Lisa’s comment….now THAT is funny!

  17. Wait till the hormones start changing and you have to go more often – I have 2 appointments tomorrow – rechecks both of them! It’s tough getting old! Will definitely be at Starbucks afterwards since one is a “fasting” appointment!

  18. I thought my little chore was done for the year, but no, I got the call that further investigation was needed. Going back next week for the deluxe cramogram:(
    I certainly deserve Starbucks for a second trip!

    Hope

  19. I agree, it’s just not normal to carry on a conversation about anything and everything with the radiology tech I don’t care how chipper she is.
    First of all, I’m nekkid, secondly it’s humiliating to allow someone to handle my “girls” like they are play-dough.

  20. lydia stevenson

    Thought I wrote the other day about the new trucks they have out here, but I think it didn’t go through. They are called TATA’s. My hubby came home giggling like a school boy about that one! Wait till you have a colonoscopy, in another country when all they put on you is plastic underwear with a very conspicuous hole in them. TMI I know, and I won’t even get into the no plastic covers here for the lady doctor and no nurse either! So I tend to wait the 2-3 years when I go to the US. Glad I just had that all done in the US.

  21. I was ok until I read about how you weren’t going anywhere because you were stuck in the machine.

    Thank you. Because I will be giggling when I have to go!!

  22. I crack up at you every time I read your post!! This was a good laugh for a Friday night.

    Cramogram! That is exactly what it is. I had my first cramogram last year and I thought I was going to pass out! Can you imagine passing out? No!

    Isn’t it wonderful reaching 40! Have a great day.

  23. So I guess I wasn’t the only one who thought you should have said “pasties” instead of “pastries”. Snicker. Snort.

  24. Cramogram — what a perfect word.

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