It seemed like such a little thing

I renewed our handicapped placard registration yesterday.  It should have been simple; fill out a form, have it blessed by a medical doctor and head to the DMV to receive the new one.  And while the steps to accomplish this task weren’t difficult in and of themselves, the process was hard.

Oh, so hard.

Ten years ago when I got that placard, Travis had already been diagnosed with cerebral palsy but we didn’t know the extent to which it would affect him.  I remember hanging the card on the rear view mirror hoping that he would make significant progress and overcome his physical limitations by the time we would need to re-register the card in May, 2010.

It didn’t happen.

We have known for several years now that he has most likely reached his maximum physical capacity on this earth.  Our therapists have gently told us that his gait will most likely not improve, that he will not be able to walk unassisted, and his wheelchair will be a constant companion.

So yesterday I turned in our temporary placard for permanent handicapped plates.

And turned in my dream for a reality.

I do not dwell in the land of self-pity.  That land is a dangerous one, sucking life, joy, peace, energy and contentment from my soul.  I serve a God who has brought me out of that place and set my feet on solid rock.  He has promised me an abundant life and a peace that passes all understanding.

But every so often the tentacles of sorrow reach out and drag me into darkness.

I asked for prayer yesterday from a sweet group of friends and the encouragement I received from their prayers helped me lift my head and soldier on and even laugh a little while I was in the DMV parking lot attempting to remove my old license plate and install the new one in the rain without the benefit of a screwdriver.

Use a dime.  Works perfectly.

So I’m here this morning to rejoice in new mercies and to affirm that God has set me back on the path of contentment.

I know He loves me.

I know He has a plan for me.

I know His authored plan is perfect and good even though it involves difficult chapters that in my own selfishness I would not have written.

For you see, He also has a dream.

And I bet it’s better than mine.

Have a nice day.

30 responses to “It seemed like such a little thing

  1. (((Hugs))) I’m usually glad I don’t know all the details but that He does.

  2. Much, much love and hugs and prayers. And you’re right. He does have a dream. It doesn’t always make sense to us at the time. I appreciate your attitude because it can be so easy to slip into sadness.
    love to you!!

  3. I love your attitude…I’m sure some days its a battle to have that attitude but you are right…His plan isn’t always evident to us this side of heaven but His plan is always good. ((Hugs))

  4. Praying he continues to “lift your head”.

  5. You inspire me. Thanks for sharing your tender heart.

  6. Well stated- and may we be moved to long even more for the day of His return- when there will be no more sorrow and no more pain! ALL things will be made new. Thanks for reminding my heart to pray today-


  7. It is harder when it’s our kids. Thank you for sharing such inspiration from your heart. God is good.

  8. I wish I could write you a long email, or even better that we could have a visit over coffee. I want that selfishly, it would bless me more than you I’m sure. I have two special needs children, and even though their disabilities are more mental than physical it’s still challenging. Praise God in eternity all will be perfect. This gives me hope, 2 Cor 4:16-5:4.
    I understand and I appreciate you sharing your heart. It encourages me.

  9. I too am due to renew my son’s handicapped placard. Another reminder that his life will not be what I ever hoped for him. But, in light of the loss we experienced over the last few days, I have no complaints and will willingly and happily assist him his life through, if that is what is required. My daughter lost her 2nd baby this past Friday – at 17 weeks of pregnancy. The first was lost a little over a year ago at 23 weeks. My heart is broken for her and I am not understanding God’s plan right now. No one is more deserving of a child than her. But the experience has reminded me of all I am blessed with. I am glad you can rely on God to uplift you during difficult times. I hope to find my way back to Him through this pain and anger.

    • Mary, I’m sorry to hear of your loss and have said a prayer for God’s grace and mercy toward your family. I know that as you patiently trust in Him, He will graciously lead you through this time, even if He never offers reasons or explanations. He will heal. blessings…

    • Mary, I am so sorry. We lost our first son when I was 22 weeks pregnant. I will be praying for you and your daughter.

  10. Prayers to you, friend. You mean so much to me.

  11. Again putting life in perspective for me.
    The path of contentment indeed should be our goal, His path…..
    Praying for you 🙂

  12. Perspective is what takes us from sorrow to happiness…and a little bit of faith. Sounds like you are on that road. Being thankful in everything that happens even our pain really has a way of turning things around. That plus a good cry and some chocolate.

  13. I am SO proud of you.

  14. Thanks for sharing your heart – you’re a beautiful mama and an encouragement to me!

  15. You and your family are so inspiring!

  16. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us today. That’s never easy, but especially when those emotions are so raw and fragile. We all love you and your family.

  17. Beautiful.
    Just like our Daddy’s dreams for us.

  18. Your perseverance in pressing into the heart of God for contentment and meaning WILL sustain you. And I only know this because our God is a faithful God whose love endures forever.

    Love and hugs to you today.

  19. God sure knew what He was doing when He made the world. And created your family. I love you.

  20. I, too, have such a hard time not letting my mind go to that dark place. It is a daily (sometimes hourly) surrender for me, giving it all over to the Lord. It is so hard when we can’t see how all the pieces of this life fit together to form the masterpiece He is creating with our lives. Trust and obey. Its what we are called to do, but sometimes its hard to remember. I have to continually remind myself that the Lord does not make mistakes and that He has a plan. And that plan is good. Praying for you, friend. You are an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing your heart today!

  21. I just stumbled upon your blog, and wanted to let you know i will say a prayer for you (((hugs)))

  22. so well put: “But every so often the tentacles of sorrow reach out and drag me into darkness. ”

    hopefully you know that these moments are okay as well. Jesus cried when his friend was dead. is that not humanity to sorrow when things are sad?

    love your half glass full spirit.

    cheers internet compadre.

  23. Your sweet spirit (especially toward T), your great sense of humor, your propensity to have fun, & your dependence on the Lord are such a wonderful testimony to your trust in Him & His perfect plan for each of our lives, even when they are not exactly what we would have chosen. Dashed dreams are hard… but they do grow us, & hopefully into the person God wants us to be. Love you, my friend!

  24. I didn’t realize you had a handicapped child. My heart aches for you. No wonder your writing is so deep; you’ve gone through a lot of suffering. Know that you are in my prayers.

  25. Prayers for you and your very special children (all of them!). It’s so hard for us to “not understand”, yet so comforting to just lean into prayer and love not only from Him above but from our friends. Sending you guys lots of love and prayers!

  26. My precious friend, your beauty shines the most when I watch you with T. I want the ability to make something beautiful out of dashed dreams the way you have.

  27. I want to give you a hug…in person.

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