Ask Sus: The OnStar Edition

Sus, why are you blogging from the Chevy dealership this morning?

Umm, because I love the olfactory assault of petroleum products before 8 a.m.? Sadly, dear Reader, I had a little incident last night.

Sus, wasn’t last night your celebratory back to school night out with friends?

Yes, it was. And I now have witnesses that I don’t make this stuff up.

Sus, what happened?

I got locked INSIDE my car.

Umm, Sus, how does one lock themselves inside the car?

Apparently with very little effort.

I was driving the five of us since theoretically I knew where we were going and as I was backing out of the parking space at our gathering spot, the warning light came on that the driver’s side door wasn’t completely shut. I stopped to fix the problem and when I went to open the door, it wouldn’t open. I dispatched Gretchen to try and open it from the outside and she couldn’t get it to budge, either.

Sus, how traumatic! Were your friends supportive?

Yes, they immediately started laughing and proceeded to all pull out their phones and start tweeting about it.

What did you do next?

We’ve kept an OnStar subscription on this car since we purchased it. With all the miles I travel in areas that have little to no cell phone coverage (ahem, AT&T) I like to have a backup plan. My little predicament seemed like a good reason to call them, so I spoke to Marsha who first asked if I had tried to manually unlock the car.

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.

She then attempted to sent a code through space to master unlock the car.

It didn’t work.

That move was the one trick in her bag, so after consulting with others, she decided that it might be best to talk to Freddy on the Chevrolet Diagnostic Team.

Diagnostic Team sounds impressive, Sus. Were they able to help?

Freddy (if that was his real name) came on the line and upon hearing my predicament said, “Oh. That’s not good.”

Way to be encouraging there, Fred.

Freddy was able to take ten minutes to research that a) he couldn’t do anything and b) inform me that my vehicle was 1,000 miles out of warranty.

Sus, was your evening ruined?

Quite the contrary. It added a certain level of hilarity to the evening as my friends watched me haul my less than petite self in and out of the car all night long a la Dukes of Hazzard.

In 4 inch wedges.

Sus, how did you manage carpool this morning?

I tried to be inconspicuous as I contorted myself across the ginormous center console and crawled out the passenger side to get Travis out, but all hopes of not drawing attention to myself were dashed when I heard a bloodcurdling scream come from my firstborn as he realized that he had arrived at school wearing his Spiderman pajamas.

Or maybe that scream came from me.

Fortunately, Travis had an extra set of clothes in his backpack and we flashed the whole school as J changed clothes in the front seat of the car.

Sus, I’m speechless.

Me, too.

Have a nice day.

25 responses to “Ask Sus: The OnStar Edition

  1. I like the pajamas…that was a twist I didn’t see coming.

    So, my daughter1 had a little ‘incident’ yesterday too. Unfortunately it involved scraping bumpers with another car. Very minor, not even involving insurance since, hello, this would be our third time with the two girls in two years. Life is never dull.

  2. Oh, Sus! I swear we live in parallel universes!

  3. LOL! You cannot make this stuff up!
    I wish I was in your carpool line.
    Just saying’

  4. I wish you and I drove the same carpool route. Because the laughs I’d get from you would be just what I need to bring my blood pressure down!

    OMG. I’m so glad you’re writing this stuff down.

  5. Pajamas? Hilarious!

    Hope they fix the door quickly!

  6. I agree with Joyce…didn’t see that one coming! Which made it THAT much funnier! My 4 year old said “What, Mom?? What is SO funny??” And I can TOTALLY picture the scene of all 4 friends whipping out their phones to tweet. Thanks for the laughs this morning.

  7. And you were worried about your hair.

    One of the things I love about you is that you are adventurous. You seek out adventure, and adventure seeks after you…

    I’m glad to be apart of the adventure!

    I’m still thinking about those grits.

  8. Next thing you know, we’ll all be singing “Suburban with a Fringe on Top”.
    Thanks, I’mNotNed!

    Where are the pictures?

    I’m still bummed about no cupcakes.

  9. It still freaks me out that they could try to unlock the doors from the eye in the sky. Do you think they could overhear our conversation at dinner? Sure hope not. 🙂

    Better spiderman than the Wiggles. Just sayin.

  10. Wow. That’s pretty much all I can say. You like to say that the kids are the ones who bring notes home from school, but I think I’m on to you…you’re dangerous. 😉

  11. Thanks for the good laugh! (especially the pj prediciment)

    I’m sure the locked door incident was the highlight of the evening!

    Isn’t there a joke about the *insert whatever ethnic title you wish* who locked himself in his car?

  12. You cannot make that stuff up. It wouldn’t have been nearly as funny without the witnesses. Please tell me there is a photo? Surely someone snapped a picture? Anyone? Bueller?

  13. Now that is one of the funniest blogs I’ve read in a while. Awesome. One of the things I love about you is that you’re always ready to laugh at yourself… or let us laugh at… no, WITH, you. 🙂

  14. I’d like photographic evidence of the Dukes of Hazzard moves, please.

    Go on…recreate the event. I’ll wait.

  15. oh my gosh, that’s hilarious. I love laughing at, I mean WITH, other people 🙂 thanks for the giggle this morning my friend!

  16. This is just too much… I, too, am speechless…

  17. I’m sure the guys at the service station enjoyed your hop-the-console-boogie when you pulled up to get it fixed.

  18. Only you…only you!
    Glad you all had a fun night out.

  19. Thank you so much for writing these stories down for us to read! You have a treasure chest full of stories if you ever decide to become a motivational speaker – or a stand up comedian.

  20. Ha! Fantastic story 😀 You need to give Marsha a break though, there was an American lady last year who called 911 when there was an electrical fault in her car that locked her in. She was asked if she’d tried to open it manually…she hadn’t. Doesn’t it make you feel better to hear about the people you’re smarter than? 😀

  21. that’s awesome. i thought my life was fuuny, but that one took the cake today.

    hmmm.. i think i might make a cake. yum.

    🙂 lydia

  22. Oh HONey. At least you were not wearing the spidey pjs.

  23. Pingback: Monday Musings « Carpool Queen's Blog

  24. This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a month!

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