Yesterday was one of those days in this journey we call parenting that is best described in one sentence.
I know why tigers eat their young.
I won’t go into the whole scenario but after a series of unfortunate decision-making by one of my children (who shall remain nameless), the day ended with my car pulling into the parking lot at Mr. CPQ’s work where I handed him the keys, the children, and a terse summation of the day which may or may not have left him with the impression that it would be the last time he saw his wife and then I went to the Cheesecake Factory with some girlfriends who commiserated with me over a plate full of unnecessary calories.
The punishment I handed out was rather long-lasting in nature (i.e. you’re grounded for life) and I was greeted by a less than happy child this morning as we straggled in for breakfast.
And then the cat brought in his own breakfast.
Which was still alive.
Which caused me to run flapping and screaming towards the back of the house because I never did like Mutual of Omaha on TV much less in my living room floor.
And I yelled “Child Who Is Grounded For Life, get that thing out of the house!”
And he said, “I will if you give me my computer privileges back.”
And I said: “I’ll pay you a dollar.”
And he said: “I won’t do it for less than full restitution.”
So there’s currently a dead bird and floating feathers in the laundry room and eight hours to go until Dad gets home because while this mama tiger might be sorely tempted to eat her young right now, she draws the line at negotiating with terrorists.
Have a nice day.