Yesterday was one of those days that by looking at the calendar you would have thought I did nothing but sit at home and eat bon-bons but in reality I was running around most of the day in vain attempt at accomplishment.
I was minding my own business when the phone rang and the school PT let me know that Travis’ wheelchair leg had fallen off and that numerous attempts at duct-taping it back together until he could get home had failed. They were trying to get a rep from the medical equipment company to stop by but I knew that wasn’t going to work because there’s usually a three day wait to get squeezed onto the schedule, even in “emergency” situations.
Wheelchair repairs typically fall into the “Dad” category but Craig was out of town and it couldn’t wait so I went to school, sat cross-legged on the floor of the front office and tried to act like I knew what I was doing. While I fiddled with the doohickey and futzed with the whatchamacallit, it quickly became apparent that we were going to need some hex wrenches to fix the problem and we didn’t have any handy. To save time
and to avoid having to dig through the garage I drove over to a nearby Ace Hardware and grabbed the first person I saw and said that I needed a hex wrench and he said what size and I panicked because I did not know and I showed him a picture of the head of the thingy I was trying to work on.
Men, can we call these items by one name? Because having to remember the difference between a screw, a nut, and a bolt drives me to drink and by the time I left, the employee, too.
Anyhow, I bought both a 3/16ths and a 5/32nds (FRACTIONS! HYPERVENTILATION!) and drove back to school where neither of them fit.
So I went back to Ace and found an older gentleman and after much gesticulating, a few more thingies, and a hastily sketched drawing on the back of a plastic inventory bag, we decided I needed a metric wrench and FOR THE LOVE OF PETE I HAD TO DO MATH TO DECIDE WHAT MILLIMETER FELL IN BETWEEN A SIXTEENTH AND A THIRTY-SECOND.
And by doing math I mean I asked for the nearest paper bag to breathe in while he figured it out.
And then I drove back to school and it didn’t work either but turns out I hadn’t properly seated the 3/16s and it worked just fine and we fixed it.
And they called to tell me it broke an hour later.
So I said, “Send him home on the bus with one leg. His daddy will be home tonight.”
And then I turned to the next relaxing project called “Let’s figure out which fuse is out so we can light the Christmas tree”.
Because sometimes you don’t need a wrench.