My friend Fran texted me over the weekend asking how easy was it to post a blog on WordPress and I told her it was a piece of cake and I’d be glad to walk her through it. Then I got to thinking about the last time I blogged and logged in to check and it’s been almost two years.
So, going to post a quick update so I can familiarize myself with the new interface (which has probably gone through several iterations in the last 20 months) so I can help Fran tomorrow, and also say hello to those of you who subscribed and are suddenly wondering why a blog post from Sus is showing up in your inbox.
It’s not Friday, but here, in listical form, is what’s going on with me.
1. The kids are graduating from high school in two months. The transition into this next phase of life is looming a little large but there’s no stopping the freight train so we are rolling with it. They will be staying home to attend our local community college in the fall which spares me the throes of MY BABIES ARE MOVING OUT for at least another year.
Though, not gonna’ lie, some days we are all ready for everyone to move out.
2. I gained a bunch of weight because I was depressed and then I lost it and then I got happy that I lost it so I ate celebratory carbs which has threatened to start the process all over again so I’ve joined a CrossFit gym so that I can eat carbs and still fit into my clothes. My class instructor is a 24 year old named Warren who might weigh 145 pounds soaking wet and I alternately want to strangle him for making my lungs explode and also take him home and feed him a biscuit to fatten him up.
The boy needs a casserole.
3. Craig and I just celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary and went out for dinner at a local steakhouse that was new to us. This place is known for their clubby atmosphere and low lighting and that dim light put me at a bit of a disadvantage as I walked past the offerings on the salad bar because I’d forgotten my reading glasses and couldn’t see jack but I piled my plate high with what I could recognize and that’s how I ended up eating a boatload of anchovies that I thought were kalamata olives.
4. I wish I could report that I’ve had the opportunity to meet my birthmother who lives twenty minutes away in Chapel Hill but it’s been two years of silence from her. She does not respond to any of my cards or letters. It’s been difficult emotionally (see #2) but I’ve learned how to listen to myself and how to process emotions so the experience hasn’t been a total disaster. It’s been valuable and necessary and I’d do it all again because I’ve become stronger and more emotionally resilient than I’ve been before. The social worker from my adoption agency told me at the beginning of this journey that I would have to grieve my adoption. I didn’t know what she meant because I’ve never been sorry that I was adopted. What I did have to do was mourn a loss that was so deeply embedded in the depths of my psyche that when it was finally acknowledged, it choked me.
Processing the grief has been the primary reason I haven’t blogged in two years. I’m usually an open book but this all was a little too personal to work through online. Now that I have some perspective, I’ve been talking about it more in person to friends and family and maybe, one day, will share further thoughts online.
But I can talk about….
5. I met my birthmom’s daughter (otherwise known as my half-sister) last fall and it was one of the happiest days of my life. We are in the process of getting to know each other (we’ve already found common ground over a love for tacos) and we’re looking forward to building our relationship in the months to come. (I’m also now comfortable friends with my half-sisters on my bio dad’s side and hoping to meet one of them this summer.)
There’s a lot more to catch up on (Quilts! Stella! My hairdresser quit!) but that’s all I have to say for now. As always, thanks for reading and being a faithful friend.
Have a nice day.