Letters from the home front

Dear Husband,

Please do not be alarmed when you walk into the house this evening and find the kitchen counters scrubbed and the bathrooms sparkling clean.  Apparently, this is normal in other homes.

Signed,

Your loving wife

________________________

Dear Exterminator Man,

Thank you for not calling me until an hour past your scheduled appointment time.  I needed the external motivation to get the house picked up.  I’m sorry to inform you, however, that it will most likely not stay that way until you return.

Signed,

Your customer who is currently passed out in the corner from Clorox fumes

______________________

Dear Grandmother,

You would be pleased to hear that I used your gravy ladle today.  You would not be pleased to hear that it was to scoop the frogs out of the tank.

Signed,

Your multi-tasking granddaughter

________________________

Dear JJ,

Upon closer inspection, that little gray mouse in the corner turned out to be your gray Bakugan ball.  I’ll take you to Target later to replace it.

Love,

Your mother who screamed her head off while frantically stomping on a piece of inanimate plastic

Have a nice day.

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22 responses to “Letters from the home front

  1. Woohoo! Target run!

  2. Frogs, lizard tails, ……where on earth do you live? 🙂

    Still remember moving down here, 4 years ago, and doing a little “freaking out” dance when I saw a small lizard at Hamsho’s. They had invited us for dinner and Brian calmly waited while I got it all out of my system before ringing the door bell.

  3. Frogs in what tank? I hope this doesn’t upset Grandma.

    When I was a kid and was shopping with my mom we thought there was a snake coiled up by our car (it was in a parking garage)…after some shrieking my mom went in to the store and got someone to come help us…turns out it was rolled up cardboard. I’m sure that guy is still telling the story to his grandkids today.

  4. 1. It isn’t “normal” in other homes…well at least not mine.
    2. What did you expect?
    3. She would applaud your resourcefulness.
    4. Been there done that, and at least is WASN’T a mouse…that would have been a whole ‘nother post.

  5. I’m assuming you don’t mean the toilet tank.

    Dear CPQ,
    Any suggestions for cleaning my computer screen?

    Signed,
    Your friend who loves you and looks forward to your daily dose of humor.

  6. one time i started freaking out slapping my leg frantically over and over and doing some kind of not-so-happy dance because i felt what i was sure to be a BIG bug in my pants only to find it was a slip of paper…sliding down…that i had tucked into my waistband so i would remember to bring it downstairs. wouldn’t have felt AS silly if it had not been for the friend i had over who was suddenly staring at me like i had some serious problems. 🙂

    i’d of squashed that thing dead too, before i even considered investigating whether or not it needed to be dead. 🙂

    i love your blog!

  7. I once thought I had a tick on my – ahem – bottom and was freaking out. Didn’t want to just yank it off. How humiliating to have to ask someone (even hubby) to look at your bottom to remove a tick. How even more humiliating to find out, after dropping my drawers to hysterical laughter, that it wasn’t a tick after all. It was a sparkly, puffy sticker.

  8. Man, I should take to writing a few letters myself! I’m afraid the list would be quite long…

    I think your grandma would say “resourceful”! 🙂

  9. Sounds like its been a busy day at your casa.

    I’m just amazed that the amphibians are still around!

  10. You are so stinkin funny. And creative. This totally made me laugh.

  11. Ha Ha!! I loved this – very funny!

    As the mother of a boy, I didn’t even blink at the reference to the frogs. Been there, done that. Any time I dare to venture back into the no-man’s-land that is my son’s bedroom, I am always leery of what awaits me! Frogs, lizards, worms – yes, worms!

    I feel your pain. Congrats on getting it clean though!

  12. Were you scooping frogs out of the tank because they passed out from the clorox fumes, too?

  13. I laughed out loud at my mind-picture of you stomping the heck of a ball thingy all the while thinking you were saving your castle from rodents! Now all the ladies at dance class are looking at me funny.

  14. Haha this made me laugh so so hard! You crack me up. Picturing you stomping on plastic things, scooping up frogs, and frantically cleaning til you passed out . . . hahahaha 🙂 I mean, not to laugh at another’s plight or anything. . . .

  15. I wish I had 1/100th of your wit. But I’m actually quite glad I don’t have much of the creepy crawly stuff that makes it across your threshold.

  16. I’m with Mer…100%.

  17. This is so funny! I love it.
    Smiles!

  18. Girl, you keep me smiling! Love to read you daily (got a little behind, here on vacation…)

  19. Maybe I should schedule an exterminator visit just so I’ll clean the house.

  20. Oh how you make me laugh. And I’m so glad the little gray mouse turned out not to be one. My son tossed a plastic lizard into my lap once when I was driving and it turned out not to be plastic. Can you say half-crazed mother whose screams could be heard in buildings miles away?

  21. Some folks clean for company, CPQ. Just sayin’. You prolly don’t have to call for a $300 service.

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