Please do not be alarmed when you walk into the house this evening and find the kitchen counters scrubbed and the bathrooms sparkling clean. Apparently, this is normal in other homes.
Your loving wife
Dear Exterminator Man,
Thank you for not calling me until an hour past your scheduled appointment time. I needed the external motivation to get the house picked up. I’m sorry to inform you, however, that it will most likely not stay that way until you return.
Your customer who is currently passed out in the corner from Clorox fumes
You would be pleased to hear that I used your gravy ladle today. You would not be pleased to hear that it was to scoop the frogs out of the tank.
Your multi-tasking granddaughter
Upon closer inspection, that little gray mouse in the corner turned out to be your gray Bakugan ball. I’ll take you to Target later to replace it.
Your mother who screamed her head off while frantically stomping on a piece of inanimate plastic
Have a nice day.