Craig Sez…

As promised, here is your first installment of Craig Sez, which means I’m turning over the blog to Mr. CPQ who is already annoyed at me for choosing the title for today.

“It’s my day – why are you choosing the title?”

Sigh.

Do you see what I have to live with?

Without further ado, I give you…

Mr. CPQ:  Hello Carpoolqueen Blog peeps!  I’m flattered that so many of you have asked for my insight and opinion on a wide range of personal, social, and political issues.  Not one to shy away from the microphone – or keyboard, so to speak – the Commissar has allowed me to respond to my fan mail from time to time as requests roll in.  So, here we go…

First up, I’m Not Ned writes: ” Mr. CPQ, how do you keep your hair so nice and executive-looking?”

I’m glad you ask, I’m Not Ned.  My executive salt ‘n pepper hair begins with a great base of early gray genes, supplemented by a healthy dose of work- and home-related stress.  Keeping it closely coiffed with a Number Three blade most of the time (I’ll go for the Number Two blade if I’m feeling sassy or if it’s really hot) helps keep drying time down to less than 30 seconds.  I realize that 30 seconds of drying time may seem like an eternity for you, I’m Not Ned, but one can never invest too much time in looking so good.  And don’t think this savory mop comes without a healthy dose of product.  My daily regimen includes Suave’s Deep Cleansing Men’s Shampoo with a “fresh, clean masculine scent” followed apres shower by a dab of Hair & Body Moisturizer Lotion from Tea Tree.  I’m told it also provides SPF protection and serves as an insect repellent, qualities that – in combination – cannot be underestimated on the golf course.  So, in keeping with my long-standing philosophy of “it’s better to look good than to be good”, I hope this will inspire you and the other readers to bring the A-game every day when it comes to haircare.

Gretchen writes: “My husband lovingly calls me TwitFace.  What do you think that means?  And he doesn’t like it when I ask strangers to take our family’s picture.”

I think there’s an oft-overlooked, minute codicil in the depths of the “Man Law” that prohibits one man from commenting on the viability and/or meaning of the pet names another man has for his spouse or significant other.  In short, I plead the Fifth.  As for the pictures, does he always insist on being the one to take the photos so as not to actually be captured in any of the family pictures?  If so, he’s a spy.

Tracey writes: “What does a ‘Dad and the Boys’ day look like?  Where do you go, what do you eat, etc.?”

Well Tracey, that depends.  If the Commissar is out of town, it usually begins with some wildly inappropriate selection of breakfast treats like pizza, cold spaghetti sandwiches, and Krispy Kreme doughnuts.  From there we retire to the couches to watch TV or play video games until snack time.  The remainder of the day will vacilate between periods of eating, scratching, pulling each other’s fingers, and general frittering until ultimately, bedtime.  If the Commissar is home, we make breakfast for the Boss, go to BJ’s to stroll the aisles and buy milk, get lunch at McDonald’s, then return home to do chores all day.  In either case, it’s fun…

His Girl Amber writes: “Has your wife ever made you a meal that made you so happy you would buy her a Kindle?  If so, what was the meal?”

Not yet, but if she did it would look like this:  Chicken Fried Steak with Cream Gravy, Mashed Potatoes, and LeSeur Peas, followed by Chocolate Devil’s Food cake – with Chocolate Frosting – and French Vanilla ice cream for dessert.  Sweet Tea , of course.  That said, I didn’t marry her for her cooking so she’s already earned her Kindle. 😉

Well fans, that’s it for this installment of Craig Sez…  Tune in next time when Mr. CPQ tackles the controversial issue of Capri pants!   Until then,

Life’s short – play hard!