Ask Sus: The OnStar Edition

Sus, why are you blogging from the Chevy dealership this morning?

Umm, because I love the olfactory assault of petroleum products before 8 a.m.? Sadly, dear Reader, I had a little incident last night.

Sus, wasn’t last night your celebratory back to school night out with friends?

Yes, it was. And I now have witnesses that I don’t make this stuff up.

Sus, what happened?

I got locked INSIDE my car.

Umm, Sus, how does one lock themselves inside the car?

Apparently with very little effort.

I was driving the five of us since theoretically I knew where we were going and as I was backing out of the parking space at our gathering spot, the warning light came on that the driver’s side door wasn’t completely shut. I stopped to fix the problem and when I went to open the door, it wouldn’t open. I dispatched Gretchen to try and open it from the outside and she couldn’t get it to budge, either.

Sus, how traumatic! Were your friends supportive?

Yes, they immediately started laughing and proceeded to all pull out their phones and start tweeting about it.

What did you do next?

We’ve kept an OnStar subscription on this car since we purchased it. With all the miles I travel in areas that have little to no cell phone coverage (ahem, AT&T) I like to have a backup plan. My little predicament seemed like a good reason to call them, so I spoke to Marsha who first asked if I had tried to manually unlock the car.

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.

She then attempted to sent a code through space to master unlock the car.

It didn’t work.

That move was the one trick in her bag, so after consulting with others, she decided that it might be best to talk to Freddy on the Chevrolet Diagnostic Team.

Diagnostic Team sounds impressive, Sus. Were they able to help?

Freddy (if that was his real name) came on the line and upon hearing my predicament said, “Oh. That’s not good.”

Way to be encouraging there, Fred.

Freddy was able to take ten minutes to research that a) he couldn’t do anything and b) inform me that my vehicle was 1,000 miles out of warranty.

Sus, was your evening ruined?

Quite the contrary. It added a certain level of hilarity to the evening as my friends watched me haul my less than petite self in and out of the car all night long a la Dukes of Hazzard.

In 4 inch wedges.

Sus, how did you manage carpool this morning?

I tried to be inconspicuous as I contorted myself across the ginormous center console and crawled out the passenger side to get Travis out, but all hopes of not drawing attention to myself were dashed when I heard a bloodcurdling scream come from my firstborn as he realized that he had arrived at school wearing his Spiderman pajamas.

Or maybe that scream came from me.

Fortunately, Travis had an extra set of clothes in his backpack and we flashed the whole school as J changed clothes in the front seat of the car.

Sus, I’m speechless.

Me, too.

Have a nice day.